A few weeks ago I had a flood of thoughts at midnight, I call them my midnight thoughts, lol how profound. Anyway I put up one of them on my WhatsApp status and it went something like “sometimes being on the bench is the best place to be, you get to watch other players make their mistakes and learn from them so that when you finally leave the bench, you know exactly how to win”. Well it went something like that, give or take a word or two reason this came to mind is because I had decided it was a good idea for me to take a break from relationships, romantic relationships that is because I realised that I was dating the same person, different face and body but the same person nevertheless.
First of all, it wasn’t until I took a step back from it all that I was able to see the pattern so already some space was giving me clarity, and clarity was much needed. The funny thing is that in all those past relationships, I was the common denominator so there is no one to be mad at but me. I got myself into those relationships and no matter what went down, I am at fault for being there if nothing else.
Something else I realised is how much of myself is lost when I was with someone else you know, because I get so involved and somehow the relationship Swallows me whole. So I decided to just be me, to relearn myself/ to date me for a little while and work on myself. I think we all need this from time to time. I have to say, I am so much happier. I am able to tell who adds joy to my life and who brings negativity and/or takes away from me instead of adding to me. It’s become irrefutably clear. I am all round happier and better; Even while I struggle with my time management I am better off. Which ofcourse is scary because now I’m totally gun shy. I don’t want to add anyone to my bubble so that they come with their stuff, their issues and drama that I’m just now done cleansing myself of. Lol why does everything in life have to be a double edged sword?!
Regardless of all of that, I needed this and if you can relate with any of this then you probably need a break too.