Maybe this time [Issa lie!!! 😒]

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!! Excuse me while I laugh at myself.

I left this foolishness in 2017 so I guess I can talk about it now, I used to be one of those people who would date someone and then that one time things don’t work out, we part ways then a year later they come say the way they’ve changed, they’ve grown, all that BS then we get back together and then ofcourse shit goes down again and then we have to part ways again and as I said goodbye to 2017 I vowed to say goodbye to that foolishness as well.

Listen people in as much as writing for your enjoyment and entertainment gives me great satisfaction I want you to understand that I do foolish things and share them at great price to me to save you a trip. My mom always tells me one thing, you don’t have to learn all things through experience, some things are painful and unnecessary/ painfully unnecessary. And I love her for that, because thanks to her one of you (I say one because humans are born with a unique foolishness of doing the wrong thing despite knowing better) won’t have to encounter the nonsense I had to endure.

Me and people like me have this theory that maybe this time it’ll work, maybe this time he or she won’t do that foolish thing they did the last time. It’s called having faith in people, the wrong people, the kind of people who don’t deserve it. Now this is something I would typically be mad at myself for but what can I say, I’m very human and I’m ok with that 😁. What I’m not okay with is one of my beautiful readers making stupid choices that could be avoided because I’ve done the foot work so you don’t have to.

So I have come up with a theory, now this theory may just explain my behavior but I suspect it may explain a couple other people’s behavior as well. I think for me, when I’m not with the person, I work on myself one because I live spending time with myself and two because I enjoy working on myself and personal growth, it’s something I’m very passionate about. Somehow in the midst of all that I assume that this person has been doing the same. It doesn’t have to be a passion of theirs or whatever but it could be something they do because it has to be done. But as long as the end result is growth/maturity then what difference should it make right?! Same way we apply our shortcomings to people I think this works the same way, so how do we cure ourselves of this foolishness?! Good question I’m glad you asked that.

Write a list of all the things that made you guys part ways the last time, this is not one of those write a list then burn it, no no no, we need that list on record. Write it, include all the things and when he comes have your list on hand says you want to be friends forest you know, you want to take things slow or whatever and during that study the person. Do they still have the qualities that put you off?! If they do then that settles that and if not then stay friends all in all I must make something clear, try and try again may work for a lot of things but relationships I assure you is not one of them. Take it from someone who has tried it and failed.

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Time out

A few weeks ago I had a flood of thoughts at midnight, I call them my midnight  thoughts, lol how profound. Anyway I put up one of them on my WhatsApp status and it went something like “sometimes being on the bench is the best place to be, you get to watch other players make their mistakes and learn from them so that when you finally leave the bench, you know exactly how to win”. Well it went something like that, give or take a word or two reason this came to mind is because I had decided it was a good idea for me to take a break from relationships, romantic relationships that is because I realised that I was dating the same person, different face and body but the same person nevertheless.

First of all, it wasn’t until I took a step back from it all that I was able to see the pattern so already some space was giving me clarity,  and clarity was much needed. The funny thing is that in all those past relationships, I was the common denominator so there is no one to be mad at but me. I got myself into those relationships and no matter what went down, I am at fault for being there if nothing else.

Something else I realised is how much of myself is lost when I was with someone else you know, because I get so involved and somehow the relationship Swallows me whole. So I decided to just be me, to relearn myself/ to date me for a little while and work on myself. I think we all need this from time to time. I have to say, I am so much happier. I am able to tell who adds joy to my life and who brings negativity and/or takes away from me instead of adding to me. It’s become irrefutably clear. I am all round happier and better; Even while I struggle with my time management I am better off. Which ofcourse is scary because now I’m totally gun shy. I don’t want to add anyone to my bubble so that they come with their stuff, their issues and drama that I’m just now done cleansing myself of. Lol why does everything in life have to be a double edged sword?!

Regardless of all of that, I needed this and if you can relate with any of this then you probably need a break too.