Don’t run away just yet, this is not the kind of piece you think, and plus you didn’t let me finish. Things fall apart to fall in place.
If I wasn’t the one writing this I would never believe it. I know that even to me it is brushing up against the makes no sense line but I promise you it does make sense and you have to believe me because one, what I write here is true and two because in order to show you just how true it is I will have to share so much of myself so yes for that you just have to believe me. Okay as I had thought about writing this article initially it was going to be pretty general but given how I am feeling right now I think it should be relationship based. I don’t know if this is just a me thing or do you all experience it to some degree. Every other aspect of my life could be booming but my love life is a mess, like all the time. It’s like I am capable of doing pretty much anything including being a superhero but give me a relationship and watch me fail. Lol please tell me it’s not just a me thing.
Anyway despite my being a spectacular failure at relationships I did manage to realize a few things along the way.
- You need to grow or grow some more. First, let me be the first to say that relationships are tricky even for the experts. I would imagine that even if you get someone who has really matured/advanced/grown in every aspect, growth is very very relative and there will come a point in time you’ll realize that you just don’t see eye to eye on something be it big or small. Anyway, that’s just an overall consolation for all of us. Okay, so I know that a failed relationship is a bummer no matter how you look at it but I assure you that most of the time relationships fall apart so that something far greater can come together. I have always felt that relationships are a place for all of us to grow and most of us do and some of us don’t and that’s… weird. Anyway sometimes we peak in a relationship and we realize that there is just no more growth going on and whether we realize it or not when you stop growing in a relationship you get unhappy and the relationship may/will fall apart but it’s only because you need to grow some more. Growth, personal growth is the point to life. Constantly graduating from one level to another is the point and even though at the time it will suck, it’s for your own good or should I say for your own growth.
- Greener pastures. Lol first allow me to laugh. Who I’m I laughing at? I don’t know maybe myself maybe all of us. I don’t know who poured this poison in our blood at conception but as humans, we always feel as though the grass is always greener, why? Someone needs to explain this to me, slowly and delicately as though they were explaining it to a two-year-old. It should go on the record that I believe that the grass is green where you water it and that’s all there is to that. However, there is the not so rare instance where you know you’re getting a raw deal in which case the grass is greener over the metaphorical fence. Every single day, remind yourself just what you are worth, and work on yourself. As you expect magic make sure you’re your own kind of magic as well. And always give your best no matter what and when you know it’s not the best that you’re getting, pack your little bags, metaphorical or otherwise and leave. Sometimes the grass is greener. Sometimes things fall apart so you could find someone better someone who is worthy of you. You have to believe it. You have to convince yourself that you are in fact worth all the things you desire and that your demands are reasonable. You ask because you know what you have to give and that it’s worth everything you’re asking for so let it fall apart. Speaking from a fighter’s perspective sometimes it’s okay to admit defeat.
- Freedom to be yourself. Have you ever been in a relationship where you are constantly giving up parts of yourself? And I don’t mean things like you used to sleep around and then you stopped because now you’re in a relationship, or you used to drink a lot and had to stop/cut back for the sake of the relationship, I mean giving up actual aspects of your personality for this person you are with until you can barely recognise yourself. Like you used to be so kind but this person inspires the unkindness in you or you used to have such a nice sense of humour but after years of criticism you just don’t feel the same way about your sense of humour or you used to like art and they don’t so you decided you don’t like art anymore too. I may not be some love guru but I know that relationships that make us give up parts of ourselves are toxic! And doomed to fail. You should be free to be yourself. Any relationship that doesn’t allow you to do that is a relationship that’s not worth your time. Sometimes relationships fall apart so you can have the freedom to be yourself again. So when it happens as soon as you’re done pouting, be grateful. The freedom of being able to be ourselves is I think the most fundamental of freedoms.
It’s hard to hear things like this [especially when we are not ready to walk away even when we are unhappy. There is a song that says that there is an addictive kind of sadness and I think we have all encountered it at some point;] it’s almost upsetting at the wrong time but the bottom line is, sometimes things fall apart so other things, better things, greater things can fall in place/come together. It might not feel like it at the time and that’s an okay thing just as long as you let it happen in the end by being grateful for how things went down in the first place because, at the end of the day, God, the universe or whatever you believe in has your best interest at heart.
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Before I begin, do either of you have something that you love to do but that you struggle with? Or is this something that only I’m struggling with? All in all, I’ll still write about it, it would just be so much more comforting to know that I am not the only one who has to deal with this.
So for the longest time, that being last three years I have been working out, on and off, not as consistently as I would like because my schedule keeps changing and I could give you excuses until the second coming but the bottom line is that I have this thing that I should be doing that
- I know is good for me and
- That I love to do but just can’t commit. Although as I write this I’ve just come across like three or four more articles I will be writing about this but for now, let’s focus on this one thing.
The truth is I love my body, so so much it does a great deal for me and the least I could do is take care of it as best I can as should we all but I struggle. That’s for sure. I have good days where I wake up and I know I’ll be working out I don’t need to call my accountability buddy to give me a pep talk or anything like that and other days when I can’t even put on my workout gear. Lol, this has to be a me thing. Anyway, I just have to vent it out. I hate struggling with things when I have a perfectly good platform where I can vent it all out and maybe even help someone.
At the end of the day I’m trying and even though I typically kick myself when I’m down I’m slowly learning to be more kind to myself. I’m back on track now. I do my TAEBO four days a week and I eat my vegetables and for me, that’s good enough. It’s good to know when I feel down again, I’ll have this post to remind me that’s it’s okay to struggle with something I love. It’s okay to have some days be better than others. It’s all okay. As long as I keep getting back on the wagon when I fall off. I will always get back on the wagon because if there is something I know God gave me in spades is tenacity.
So what’s my point?
- Don’t kick yourself when you are down, sometimes what’s needed is understanding.
- To be your loudest most peppy cheerleader
- At the end of the day, this is the only body you will ever have, so take care of it and be kind to it and treat it as it ought to be treated.
- To never give up and lastly
- To keep moving forward. No one cares about that day you failed, as long as today you succeed, that’s what matters.
I was talking to my mom the other day which I have to say is one of my favorite things to do because she is a well of knowledge and ever my favorite teacher. She has a blog too for a much more mature crowd though I will leave a link to her blog at the bottom of this post for any of you who may want to check it out. The reason why I am mentioning her blog is because the day we were talking about writing she told me that she hasn’t been posting on her blog and I was curious as to why and the more we spoke the more it because clear to me what the problem was. Self-doubt.
This is so weird because she is one of the most confident women I know. She taught me confidence so I know, she taught me to love myself and to always be confident and proud of my work and yet here she was going through a self-doubting phase. Why I’m I telling you about my mom? Because human beings have similar problems, similar challenges. I know we all like to think our difficulties are special or unique but truth is that no one’s problem is unique. My mom goes through self-doubt same as everyone else. Same as me when I’m having a hard time with school or a project I want to pitch to a client or this that or the other thing.
It’s okay to have a hard time, it’s okay to go through these phases but you must use them to your advantage otherwise they will swallow you whole. The first step is to talk about it. Do you know how we lose to life? Because we think we can do everything by ourselves, while the fact of the matter is that we can’t. We need help, we are social beings for a reason. We do better together. After talking about it, you need to take the next step. For my mom it was to post on her blog, what’s the next step for you? What are you afraid of? Failing? Criticism? Falling flat on your face? Defeat? Being rejected?! Whatever it is, it’s okay to doubt, it’s in our nature to want certainty and security and to stay only where we are comfortable, but pushing past those fears and doubts is how we grow. It’s how we build up the courage to do more daring things. All you need is a little bit of support. My mom has me and you have me too. As my readers I encourage you to reach out to me anytime you want to talk. My email is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week, use it. You don’t have to drown.
I started writing this piece then somehow my thought process went right off the rails and I had to start over. I realized that my opinion was too biased and I’m not here to play “mom” to any of my readers. I don’t exist here to tell you what to do so I had to do this piece over.
What does training mean?! Take your time… I’ll wait. Good we all on the same page now, great! So a lot of people from school have been commenting on how I dress now, they say it’s so official and sophisticated and in truth, yes it is all of that, but why is the question. I’m I working? Yes. And we all are. Some of us just take it more seriously than others. Most students don’t realize that college is a training ground. We are all being trained to be a certain person. I’ll give you an example, say you want to be a business consultant, that dream doesn’t start when you graduate, It starts when you decided that your time in campus and your tuition is a seed and what you want to saw from it is business consulting. Now, who do you want to be in the firm?! Are you a partner? Are you a clerk? Are you in the mail room or are you the Director?! Whatever your answer was is what you are training for.
Every day that’s who or what you are training for. Directors don’t become directors on the day they are appointed, no no no, they become Directors when they’re still in school they know exactly where they are going, they know all their goals and they know just how to make it happen. They look like directors even now, their suits may not be Armani but they are still in a suit, they are precise, they get the job done, they are always ahead of schedule and they don’t have time for excuses. Does it sound like a lot of work?! Of course, it does! If it was easy everyone could do it, but not everyone can and not everyone who starts succeeds because the top is not meant for everyone. It’s meant for the few who are willing to go the distance. It’s meant for the few who know just what is at stake and are able to take advantage of every opportunity. Those are the CEOs and the Directors.
My point being, in this world there is only two things and I know someone may contradict me on this and I hope you do (in the comment section below) but the way I see it there is only winners and losers. People who always know what they are training for and people who don’t have a clue. Nothing in between. Now understand that winning means something different for every individual, but all in all there are only two teams and I know what team I’m playing for do you?!
Let’s talk about our dreams a little bit shall we? I have a conversation with myself the other day and I would share it with you except it would be TMI on so many levels and none of you would ever recover anyway it was about my dreams so that’s what we are going to talk about today.
Not necessarily mine but all of our dreams. It all started with me asking myself a very interesting question, “What happens after you’ve given it everything you’ve got and still failed?” at first I laughed because I was laughing at myself essentially, I think it’s healthy to laugh at yourself every now and then because we often do stupid things. But be that as it may who has an answer to my question? What happens after you’ve given something you are passionate about everything you have and still don’t get to where you wanted to be?
I don’t know about you but I think that’s an excellent question and after thinking about it for a little while the answer was quite clear to me. It wasn’t something I thought about for too long because I knew the answer right away I was just scared of saying it out loud because in all of us is a bit of mediocrity. The answer is simple. You give it more, you find a different angle a different approach a different way to get yours.
The moment I asked that the first thing that came to mind was when have you ever given something 100% and failed? Because things like that don’t just happen. Because the universe has a system, you give something everything you’ve got then you must get it. That’s just the way the universe works. Believe it or not. But for this article’s sake let just assume that this rare instance you gave it your all and it just wasn’t enough, if it is something you believe in then you never quit, you keep trying and trying again, that’s the only way to win. You may adjust your strategy as needed or advised but that goal remains the same. That’s the only way to win and that’s also why the winner’s circle is so small.