ARE YOU FAT SHAMING YOURSELF?

Don’t you guys feel like this has been like the subject of discussion for like forever?

FAT SHAMING!!!

Yes, I said it. Okay first let’s get one thing out of the way, all my life I have been a size 12/14 and when I have really put on weight over the holidays I am a size 16. So basically what I am saying is that I have been plus-size my whole life so this is something that I do know about. So fat shaming for those of you who don’t know what fat shaming is, it’s when regular size people make fat people feel ashamed and basically not worthy of being alive because of being fat. Yeah, disgusting isn’t it? That someone can feel more of a human being than you are just because their jeans size reads one number and yours has two. It’s sad actually, it breaks my heart.

But see here is the thing people I have been plus size all my life and the only people who ever fat shamed me were members of my family mostly but the rest of the world just saw me as a chubby but super cute girl, that’s it. The only people who ever made me feel like I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough were my sisters actually. Anyway I worked right through that and I am a better person for it but from that heinous behaviour, a demon was born inside me, as I know demons were born inside some of you as well. it’s funny because they would complain when I lost too much weight and then when I got bigger it was an issue too so your like hat the fuck do you want from me?

So first of all if you can relate I will tell you something right now that shit had nothing to do with you. A lot of times people tend to reflect their insecurities onto other people and it won’t stop so when someone comes at you like that please remember to call them out on their bullshit. Please don’t buy into what they are selling because it has nothing to do with you. Remember that and also remember that being healthy and fit is a personal choice it’s not something you share with anybody else. Okay now that that is out of the way there is something else I have to talk about because it is one thing when other people are fat-shaming you but what if the person fat-shaming you is you?

The problem is that even after they stopped fat shaming me I continued to fat shame myself. I know it’s so sick and twisted but that is what happens these are the kinds of demons that are born from things like fat shaming. Even when I would work-out I would still look at myself in the mirror and take myself apart with a pair of tweezers for all the things that I thought was wrong with the reflection staring back at me. The point is that at some point there is no one fat-shaming you but yourself you know. I was in denial for a really long time until I just realized that everyone is okay with how I look the only one who isn’t okay with it is me. I know what they say “if you don’t like how you look either learn to like it or do something about it” and I am but you see one can’t work without the other.

You have to LOVE yourself inside and out, and yes part of loving yourself involves exercise!

 

Thanks for stopping by please like and share and come back again real soon❤❤❤!!!

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Maybe this time [Issa lie!!! 😒]

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!! Excuse me while I laugh at myself.

I left this foolishness in 2017 so I guess I can talk about it now, I used to be one of those people who would date someone and then that one time things don’t work out, we part ways then a year later they come say the way they’ve changed, they’ve grown, all that BS then we get back together and then ofcourse shit goes down again and then we have to part ways again and as I said goodbye to 2017 I vowed to say goodbye to that foolishness as well.

Listen people in as much as writing for your enjoyment and entertainment gives me great satisfaction I want you to understand that I do foolish things and share them at great price to me to save you a trip. My mom always tells me one thing, you don’t have to learn all things through experience, some things are painful and unnecessary/ painfully unnecessary. And I love her for that, because thanks to her one of you (I say one because humans are born with a unique foolishness of doing the wrong thing despite knowing better) won’t have to encounter the nonsense I had to endure.

Me and people like me have this theory that maybe this time it’ll work, maybe this time he or she won’t do that foolish thing they did the last time. It’s called having faith in people, the wrong people, the kind of people who don’t deserve it. Now this is something I would typically be mad at myself for but what can I say, I’m very human and I’m ok with that 😁. What I’m not okay with is one of my beautiful readers making stupid choices that could be avoided because I’ve done the foot work so you don’t have to.

So I have come up with a theory, now this theory may just explain my behavior but I suspect it may explain a couple other people’s behavior as well. I think for me, when I’m not with the person, I work on myself one because I live spending time with myself and two because I enjoy working on myself and personal growth, it’s something I’m very passionate about. Somehow in the midst of all that I assume that this person has been doing the same. It doesn’t have to be a passion of theirs or whatever but it could be something they do because it has to be done. But as long as the end result is growth/maturity then what difference should it make right?! Same way we apply our shortcomings to people I think this works the same way, so how do we cure ourselves of this foolishness?! Good question I’m glad you asked that.

Write a list of all the things that made you guys part ways the last time, this is not one of those write a list then burn it, no no no, we need that list on record. Write it, include all the things and when he comes have your list on hand says you want to be friends forest you know, you want to take things slow or whatever and during that study the person. Do they still have the qualities that put you off?! If they do then that settles that and if not then stay friends all in all I must make something clear, try and try again may work for a lot of things but relationships I assure you is not one of them. Take it from someone who has tried it and failed.

Untether yourself

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I hadn’t planned on writing this but the one thing that I love about being a blogger is that inspiration comes from everywhere and when it does you receive it with arms wide open.

I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day and it rang so close to home about an incident I have dealt with personally. A lot of times when we meet people who speak to our souls we tether ourselves. We play out scenarios in our head and we make plans and most of the time with no consideration for the future. Now, this is not to say that we shouldn’t plan, we should absolutely plan but if we have plans involving someone else, then maybe run your plans by them and see if you guys are vibrating on the same level and if you aren’t that’s okay.

And the second thing is that sometimes we are in these ….

Okay, maybe I should start with telling you guys what brought this on. My former best friend and I were friends for seven years and at that time I remember fighting tooth and nail just to keep us together because of the history that we had garnered over the years and because of my loyalty to the friendship. I don’t know how many of you are loyal but for those of you who are then you understand my dilemma. In my head, there was no way I could walk away from this friendship even though we had nothing in common. Even though the friendship wasn’t adding any value to my life, even though it wasn’t challenging me to grow anymore.

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I had managed to tether myself to it, and to her. All alone I chained myself and convinced myself that the only way I could move forward was if my former best friend was in my life, the only way I could grow is if she remained in the picture and so I was stuck, because everything was showing me that the only way out of this cage I had built for myself was if I let her go. Even though she and I had our official breaking up in August it’s something I had been mauling over for the past year and a half. I knew that I wanted to be free but I just couldn’t untether myself. I’m not sure what the exact message here is but I am hoping that you can decipher it for yourself. I don’t want you to be a prisoner to anyone or anything. I want you to be free, to grow, to flourish and to shine and the only way you can do that is by untethering yourself from that situation or that person you have convinced yourself you can’t live without.

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Most of the time we have the strength to do pretty much anything and what makes us limit ourselves is not that we’ll fail, it’s that we’ll succeed beyond all our expectations so instead of bursting out of our cages, we hide in cages we have built for ourselves and make excuses and then feel sorry for ourselves. I can tell you with full confidence that untethering has great rewards. Once I was able to let go of my dead friendship I made new ones that challenge me and force me out of my comfort zone constantly, and in a good way. I’ve made Friendships that sharpen me physically, mentally and spiritually and that’s just what I needed. This is my story but I’m certain you have yours. You know what you are tethered to and I am telling you that it’s time to untether yourself, and more importantly, it’s okay to let go. I know you think you’ll fall but I know you’ll fly instead.

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Where do you rank yourself?

I saw this on my friend’s phone as I was nosing around and honestly, it spoke to me on another level. First of all, I love things that challenge me and so when I came across this it was a meme or something I had to stop and ask myself, seriously Lavender, where are you on your list? I always thought I loved myself so so much and when I thought about it honestly I don’t even think I would have made it to page one. Sad but also true. I’d like to think of all of you as my blogging family so I would like to keep it super honest. And if you all keep it honest with yourselves then I don’t think any of you would be on your page ones either.

But we have to ask ourselves this question because like it or not we are all in relationships with ourselves before we are in relationships with other people and so this is the most relationship of all. We enter it the day we are born and it ends the day we die therefore if there is a relationship to lose sleep over, it’s this one. So back to the question? Where do you rank yourself and how can we all get to be on page one?

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I will answer this with a quote I came across a while back that read ‘shhh, show me.’ It was a quote by anonymous but so damn profound and the way to get all ourselves to page one. We go out of our way to show people who we love that we love them through gifts and words of affirmation and acts of service and therefore we should go to the same amount of trouble to show ourselves the same thing. How would you like to be shown that you are loved? Gifts? Buy yourself something petty guilt free. Take yourself out, give yourself compliments, dress up for yourself and stay home and have a quiet night by yourself, make yourself a nice dinner, put on something pretty and dine instead of eating in your pajamas then complaining you never get y=to wear your pretty clothes. Write yourself a letter telling yourself that you love and value you. If you write poetry, compose one just for you. Whatever works for you. I’m merely giving you suggestions.

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This is not to turn us into narcissists, it’s to make sure that its evident that we love ourselves and not by posting revealing pictures on social media or posting scathing things, it’s how we carry ourselves and how we treat ourselves that people will see and know that we are on page one on the list of things we love but more importantly we’ll know that we are the number one on our own lists and after all that’s the most important thing. And always remember that loving yourself is a journey, not a destination.

 

The relationship power conundrum

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Maybe it’s just me but I believe people think that the power in a relationship is with whoever loves less. How many of you agree with that statement by a show of hand?!

If you agree then a few things could be true. 1) you’ve been hurt and turned into an emotionally closed off person. 2) you are with the wrong person 3) you are too young to understand what a healthy relationship should feel like and/or 4) you don’t love yourself enough to love another person as they ought to be loved. Now I know that some of you are suffering from all four of these and for everybody else I want you to understand that this may still speak to some of your traits one time or another.

First, let’s get this out of the way, that statement is wrong. This is not what I think, this is what I know to be true. For those of you who don’t read the Bible I honestly almost feel sorry for you because the Bible gives us real examples of what pure love is; real love is the kind of love that comes from God. That is the love of which I speak. It looks like Abraham staying by his barren wife, It looks like Hosea staying by his harlot wife’s side, it looks like Jesus being crucified for the church. The very church that persecuted him to die. Now I’m not saying any of you should go around dying for people, I don’t approve or recommend that at all but all I’m saying is that emotional maturity and God’s guidance gives you true love.

No one will say to you that true love is easy but it’s not hard in the ways that we think. True love shouldn’t hurt all the time. Yes, you will need to stay by this person’s side and grow but when they tell you they love you, you should be able to believe it with all your heart and soul, there should be no doubts and if there are doubts then ask yourself why.

A lot of the time our gut feeling will tell us all there is to know because our souls know all because our souls are eternal and have been around for a long time so it knows and it is able to tell us a good thing from a bad thing. If someone you’re with is withholding affection to have the power in the relationship then friends listen to me if only this once, leave them. They want all the power right?! Then they’ll have even more power without you. Don’t play that game, that game where you’re always on the losing side because the other person is the one who makes all the rules and you find that everyday you’re playing a different sport and the odds are just never in your favor. You don’t have to live like that. Take some time out to love yourself and understand what that feels like, having unconditional love for yourself.That way, you will have a gauge for someone else loving you and when it doesn’t feel right, you’ll know before you get hurt. You don’t have to get hurt, you can choose a love that feels good more than it feels bad. The power is in all our hands. If someone doesn’t want to love you, you have the power to let them know that whatever they’re giving you simply isn’t good enough but more importantly, you have the power to walk away.

 

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Happiness, not only but also…

Not only can you find happiness but you can also create it.

Thing with all humans is that all our lives we have been taught that happiness, our happiness will be brought to us by someone else. That means we can’t have our own, no no, it has to be brought by someone and if that someone never shows up?! Well I’m afraid you’ll just have to settle for being miserable, we apologize.

Does that sound good to you?! Well it doesn’t sound good to me either. As a matter of fact that thought alone is quite depressing. Thing I realised is that happiness doesn’t start from outside of you, starts from within. I know most of you think that you already know all this but I disagree. You think you do but you are still unhappy, why?! Because you are still waiting, go on deny it, I’ll even pretend to believe you. This is wiring we are talking about, you can’t rewire overnight. It’s like self improvement, it takes effort for some a little effort and for others a lot.

Happiness, what makes you happy if you were to live alone for the rest of your life so there was no one to bring happiness to you, what brings you joy?! Think about it I’ll wait. After all I have nowhere else to be but right here with you. I want to help you understand maybe so that I can understand it too. I recently learnt that I love the saxophone, it produces such beautiful music, soothsayer all my demons, helps calm my mind, brings me joy. I love writing, makes me feel like there is more than just me there is something else, someone else I can share with and that makes me happy and being outside after the sun has gone down ofcourse that brings me joy too so I take walks after dusk as often as possible. But there are things that bring you that same kind of joy and you need to find it and it there is nothing to find then create your joy, your happiness. It is really that simple. The first and most important step is that you get over this person who is supposed to bring you joy, happiness and unicorns then everything you’ve every wanted to feel of happiness will come to you and you won’t even have to beg.

Most girls are scarlet

How many of you have seen gone with the wind? If you haven’t you ought to. It’s a great movie, a classic actually but most things are subject to opinion. Anyhow my favorite character is Scarlet as you will find most girl’s favorite character is and the reason I admire her so is that she represents most girls in the world and I find that incredibly fascinating. Scarlet like most girls was afflicted by a rather common disease, a disease I like to call wanting that guy who doesn’t want you. That my friends is also called stupidity, and we all suffer from it from time to time.

The long and the short is that Scarlet had Rhett Butler, a good man who loved her with all his heart, was patient with her and loved her for exactly who she was while she was pining over some guy called Ashley and all the while Ashley was completely in love with his cousin Melanie something. Okay first stop judging back in the day people married their cousins to keep the breeding in the family, anyhow this story isn’t about them, it’s about the girl folk. One would think that something like this has been discussed to death but that just isn’t the case and say that it is, people are still pining over the guy that just doesn’t give a f*** so something isn’t right still. Truth is I wasn’t going to write about this until I heard a line that suddenly echoed in my mind, a line, of course, said by Rhett. He said to scarlet and I quote “You know I feel sorry for you scarlet, I feel sorry for you because you are throwing happiness away with both hands and chasing after something that will never make you happy. If Ashley was free and you would be with him do you think he would make you happy? You would never know him.”

Truth is that most of us have an Ashley and most of us have a Rhett and this is what I have to say to all of you and I would like to think we are family here so I can be harsh and you will know that I say all this with love. Don’t be foolish, choose yourself ladies and gentlemen who also like gentlemen. Choosing your Rhett is choosing yourself. Choosing someone who wants you and loves you for who you are is choosing yourself. For some of you loving yourself has become automatic but for those of you who don’t know where to start, you can start by saying an affirmation every day as many times as you like “I love you *say your name*. That’s all you have to do to get started. Say that over and over again and if that’s not enough pray about it. Ask God for help, after all, he is the source of all the love in the world, so if there is someone who can help, I assure you God is the proper person for the job.

At the end of the day I find my message is always the same, you have to be selfish with yourself. Love yourself fiercely love yourself so much that someone would have to love you with fire and brimstone to get you to take note. It’s hard but it’s the only way, either that or you will always get a raw deal and that will be the best thing you will ever get because no one will love you if you don’t love yourself.