Maybe this time [Issa lie!!! 😒]

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!! Excuse me while I laugh at myself.

I left this foolishness in 2017 so I guess I can talk about it now, I used to be one of those people who would date someone and then that one time things don’t work out, we part ways then a year later they come say the way they’ve changed, they’ve grown, all that BS then we get back together and then ofcourse shit goes down again and then we have to part ways again and as I said goodbye to 2017 I vowed to say goodbye to that foolishness as well.

Listen people in as much as writing for your enjoyment and entertainment gives me great satisfaction I want you to understand that I do foolish things and share them at great price to me to save you a trip. My mom always tells me one thing, you don’t have to learn all things through experience, some things are painful and unnecessary/ painfully unnecessary. And I love her for that, because thanks to her one of you (I say one because humans are born with a unique foolishness of doing the wrong thing despite knowing better) won’t have to encounter the nonsense I had to endure.

Me and people like me have this theory that maybe this time it’ll work, maybe this time he or she won’t do that foolish thing they did the last time. It’s called having faith in people, the wrong people, the kind of people who don’t deserve it. Now this is something I would typically be mad at myself for but what can I say, I’m very human and I’m ok with that 😁. What I’m not okay with is one of my beautiful readers making stupid choices that could be avoided because I’ve done the foot work so you don’t have to.

So I have come up with a theory, now this theory may just explain my behavior but I suspect it may explain a couple other people’s behavior as well. I think for me, when I’m not with the person, I work on myself one because I live spending time with myself and two because I enjoy working on myself and personal growth, it’s something I’m very passionate about. Somehow in the midst of all that I assume that this person has been doing the same. It doesn’t have to be a passion of theirs or whatever but it could be something they do because it has to be done. But as long as the end result is growth/maturity then what difference should it make right?! Same way we apply our shortcomings to people I think this works the same way, so how do we cure ourselves of this foolishness?! Good question I’m glad you asked that.

Write a list of all the things that made you guys part ways the last time, this is not one of those write a list then burn it, no no no, we need that list on record. Write it, include all the things and when he comes have your list on hand says you want to be friends forest you know, you want to take things slow or whatever and during that study the person. Do they still have the qualities that put you off?! If they do then that settles that and if not then stay friends all in all I must make something clear, try and try again may work for a lot of things but relationships I assure you is not one of them. Take it from someone who has tried it and failed.

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Thanks a heap indecision😒

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I haven’t been sleeping well lately, all week actually. I feel like last night was the first time I actually fell asleep and slept through the night. But in truth I was so tired it was either I sleep voluntarily or collapse from exhaustion. Anyway, I thought that the insomnia was being caused by my menses which may be TMI but I’d like to think we are all adults here. So anyway I thought that my lack of sleep was being caused by an overwhelming surge of hormones that were running up and down my body but after last night I realized that I might have been very wrong about that.

I’ve been really stressed all week. I was dealing with something that felt heavy to me. I was torn between two choices that at the time seemed like they would throw my whole life out of balance so naturally, they took over my whole brain and ofcourse to add salt to it I had a CAT, the final CAT before I have to sit my accounting finals and so I had that to worry about as well and ofcourse I was having trouble concentrating because of this other thing in my mind so finally something had to give. I read for my paper as best I could, I sat and wrote the damn thing and to be perfectly honest with you I was just glad that I had one less thing to think and worry about. And after that, I just came home and slept. I was incapable of doing anything else. My body was about to give out on me. We [my body and I] had gotten to that place of either give me rest or I take it, your choice.

 

Me all week long

 

Next day after that I spent some time with one of my girlfriends and we talked about all the things and it made me realise that I was looking at everything the wrong way, I was deciding things off of feelings instead of facts and that’s just never worked for me before why would it work for me now? So I sat down with a virtual piece of paper in my mind and I decided you know what? I’m on Lavender’s team and all I care about is what makes Lavender happy and just like that, I made a decision. Little did I know that the indecision was what was preventing me from getting any sleep? Like I said, sometimes complex problems have simple solutions, Thursday night, I slept like a baby.

Personal growth

I remember some time ago I came across a quote that read that when God wants you to grow, he makes you uncomfortable. Of course I was in agreement immediately but notice how when some quotes apply directly to your life you get all grouchy and pissed? Yes, that was me not too long ago. This last weekend actually.

I know that personal growth is a broad subject but given this is not an academic blog I will stick to my personal growth. I was talking with one of my girlfriends about an ex-boyfriend. You know, one of those exes that had you pretty much brainwashed? Yap one of those. Mine was tall dark and handsome, how did I yours look like? What made them seem so great at the time? I would love to know. Anyway so we got to talking and out of nowhere, she started saying that I still loved him and I was like, what? No, I don’t!!! If I loved him still I would be with him but I’m not because I don’t love him. But she kept on saying it over and over again and I was so mad but at the same time it planted doubt in my head and I can see your face scowling don’t worry this was a good thing.

It was a good thing because it made me think about it a lot, it made me think about him too and how it all went down. And aside from the amazing rolling in the hay sessions, ours was a pretty toxic relationship and the worst part was how perfect it looked from the outside and yet inside I was screaming at myself for being so foolish and stuck. I called him that night just because I didn’t have all the answers I needed to make a well-educated verdict because at that point it wasn’t really about what or how I felt because I knew how I felt already, I was done loving him a long time ago, so that really wasn’t an issue. So why did I feel like I still needed closure? Because I did of course. So that beautiful man and I had a chat and two minutes into the conversation I had my closure.

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All, the questions I had were answered to satisfaction, he didn’t say anything bad or mean, but in that moment I remembered why I had to leave him, the same person that I would choose over and over again over pretty much everyone else and at that moment, I couldn’t think of choosing him over anyone. Funny how someone who made me feel so unhappy would be the key to my personal growth; life is a funny thing. That night, he delivered an intricate part of me to myself and I am so grateful my friend pushed me as she did that night. I am so glad I dated this person and that the relationship was a brilliant failure and I am grateful that he brought me to myself. I am grateful that I am in a position to watch myself grow and be grateful for it.

As I have said time and time again because I don’t know you guys on a personal level I can’t share your stories but you all have them, it’s my hope that you can take something from my story though. I know that when relationships crash and burn we often look at the aftermath with so much hate and anger and sometimes pain but after all that its good to find time to heal then go back to the crime scene and see what really happened, not just according to you, but according to both of you. I am learning to constantly reevaluate what I think I know, and therefore learning to have my eyes more open, figuratively speaking of course because sometimes complicated problems have simple solutions.

Social support

It’s funny, you know sometimes I marvel at the things that I have come to write about. Recently it’s been feeling like the people around me are having a hard time with stuff, all different stuff but struggling all the same and it really got me thinking about social support. First of all, I will say that being able to emotionally support the people I love, has been such a learning experience and it has really helped me grow.

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Secondly, I know that when most of us are having a hard time, our first instinct is to crawl into our caves of safety and just regroup or worry and panic and for some of us fall into depression and I only know this because that’s exactly what I do. I don’t know how to ask for help until I feel like I am actually dying inside and that just shouldn’t be the case for anyone. Granted I didn’t have anyone who made me feel safe enough to just let go and be vulnerable but still, no one should let it ever get that bad. Ask for help, you’d be surprised how many people around you love you enough to drop everything and just be there for you.

Here is what brought this on…

I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends, she’s having an interesting time dealing with some pretty heavy stuff and as she opened up to me I remember thinking I am so glad I get to be here for her, I am so glad she doesn’t have to do this alone, I am so glad that I am strong enough to be someone’s rock. And I know, leave it to me to make someone’s story all about me but to get back to the point, it made me curious about social support and all that stuff.

First of all, what is social support?

Social support is the perception and actuality that one is cared for, has assistance available from other people, and that one is part of a supportive social network.

So what’s my point in all this? Social support is important and the easiest way to receive it is by giving it to the people around you who need it. I found that there is good evidence that social support plays one of the biggest roles in mental health as well as overall wellbeing. Also, that social support helps reduce feelings of isolation depression and anxiety and that individuals who experience social support are happier. Isn’t that great?

The workout conundrum

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Before I begin, do either of you have something that you love to do but that you struggle with? Or is this something that only I’m struggling with? All in all, I’ll still write about it, it would just be so much more comforting to know that I am not the only one who has to deal with this.

So for the longest time, that being last three years I have been working out, on and off, not as consistently as I would like because my schedule keeps changing and I could give you excuses until the second coming but the bottom line is that I have this thing that I should be doing that

  1. I know is good for me and
  2. That I love to do but just can’t commit. Although as I write this I’ve just come across like three or four more articles I will be writing about this but for now, let’s focus on this one thing.

The truth is I love my body, so so much it does a great deal for me and the least I could do is take care of it as best I can as should we all but I struggle. That’s for sure. I have good days where I wake up and I know I’ll be working out I don’t need to call my accountability buddy to give me a pep talk or anything like that and other days when I can’t even put on my workout gear. Lol, this has to be a me thing. Anyway, I just have to vent it out. I hate struggling with things when I have a perfectly good platform where I can vent it all out and maybe even help someone.

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At the end of the day I’m trying and even though I typically kick myself when I’m down I’m slowly learning to be more kind to myself. I’m back on track now. I do my TAEBO four days a week and I eat my vegetables and for me, that’s good enough. It’s good to know when I feel down again, I’ll have this post to remind me that’s it’s okay to struggle with something I love. It’s okay to have some days be better than others. It’s all okay. As long as I keep getting back on the wagon when I fall off. I will always get back on the wagon because if there is something I know God gave me in spades is tenacity.

So what’s my point?

  1. Don’t kick yourself when you are down, sometimes what’s needed is understanding.
  2. To be your loudest most peppy cheerleader
  3. At the end of the day, this is the only body you will ever have, so take care of it and be kind to it and treat it as it ought to be treated.
  4. To never give up and lastly
  5. To keep moving forward. No one cares about that day you failed, as long as today you succeed, that’s what matters.

Where do you rank yourself?

I saw this on my friend’s phone as I was nosing around and honestly, it spoke to me on another level. First of all, I love things that challenge me and so when I came across this it was a meme or something I had to stop and ask myself, seriously Lavender, where are you on your list? I always thought I loved myself so so much and when I thought about it honestly I don’t even think I would have made it to page one. Sad but also true. I’d like to think of all of you as my blogging family so I would like to keep it super honest. And if you all keep it honest with yourselves then I don’t think any of you would be on your page ones either.

But we have to ask ourselves this question because like it or not we are all in relationships with ourselves before we are in relationships with other people and so this is the most relationship of all. We enter it the day we are born and it ends the day we die therefore if there is a relationship to lose sleep over, it’s this one. So back to the question? Where do you rank yourself and how can we all get to be on page one?

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I will answer this with a quote I came across a while back that read ‘shhh, show me.’ It was a quote by anonymous but so damn profound and the way to get all ourselves to page one. We go out of our way to show people who we love that we love them through gifts and words of affirmation and acts of service and therefore we should go to the same amount of trouble to show ourselves the same thing. How would you like to be shown that you are loved? Gifts? Buy yourself something petty guilt free. Take yourself out, give yourself compliments, dress up for yourself and stay home and have a quiet night by yourself, make yourself a nice dinner, put on something pretty and dine instead of eating in your pajamas then complaining you never get y=to wear your pretty clothes. Write yourself a letter telling yourself that you love and value you. If you write poetry, compose one just for you. Whatever works for you. I’m merely giving you suggestions.

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This is not to turn us into narcissists, it’s to make sure that its evident that we love ourselves and not by posting revealing pictures on social media or posting scathing things, it’s how we carry ourselves and how we treat ourselves that people will see and know that we are on page one on the list of things we love but more importantly we’ll know that we are the number one on our own lists and after all that’s the most important thing. And always remember that loving yourself is a journey, not a destination.

 

The mental health day

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what is a mental health day?

Looking through the internet has revealed several definitions but I found the best one to be; Definition of mental health day – A day taken off work or school for rest or recuperation.

This has been one of the hardest semesters I have had to sit and it didn’t help that my support system, my academic support system that is [which for school is the most important] was lacking. Because of this, I had been having a very hard time. I don’t know how many of you feel like when your school life seems to be going up in flames then your life in general is going up in flames even when other things in your life seem relatively successful. Well, perhaps its overreacting but I don’t think so ofcourse. I’m a scholar, school has always been and will always be the most important aspect of my life.

Okay, where was I going with this, right… so I was having a really hard time and everything seemed to be moving too fast for me to catch my breath and come up with a plan and I feel like this happens to us all the time. Sometimes our lives feel like this crazy rollercoaster ride that we just can’t get off of. Well, that’s where we are wrong.

A lot of the time I have heard girls crying in the bathroom and some of those times I’m the girl crying in the bathroom because sometimes it’s all too much. Especially when we have set extremely high standards for ourselves. This is in no way to say that the standards should be lowered, the standards must remain sky high if we are to grow as individuals have any chance at all at achieving excellence. So here is my point;

  1. It’s okay to be the girl crying in the bathroom because sometimes life is a lot and we have to take time to process. Sometimes we do that through crying and that’s ok.
  2. You can get off the ride. And that’s my main point today. Turns out that’s all I needed to stop feeling the way I was. I felt like screaming all the time because it felt like someone was telling me that I couldn’t take time to process it all, it felt like someone was preventing me from catching my breath and being someone who thrives off planning I was losing my mind. All that brought me to the greatest thing thus far; THE MENTAL HEALTH DAY.

I have hence decided that the mental health day is a day for you to catch your breath and get your shit together. It’s a day for you to look at your situation whatever that may be, agree that it’s f**ked up and that it’s okay to have f**ked up situations every now and then and that everything will be ok. Then you come up with a kick-ass plan and get back into the ring. And when it all gets to be too much again, take a timeout, after all no one is counting. Just keep in mind that you don’t have to stay on the ride until you pass out. There are no prices for those who stay on the longest.

You don’t have to wait until you can’t breathe. I shouldn’t be talking you into taking a mental health day, this should be something you want for yourself. A mental health day is a way to take care of yourself it’s a way to be kind to yourself, but if you need further convincing then here are a couple more reasons why you should take a mental health day;

  • It helps with stress
  • It gives you time to strategize
  • Allows you time to process the situation
  • Increase your productivity
  • It helps you prioritize
  • Allows you time to relax and take care of yourself
  • It rejuvenates your brain and general outlook on the situation/life
  • Allows us to get out of our heads and look at the situation objectively
  • It provides fresh perspective