Okay can we just take a minute to talk about this? You know up till recently I wasn’t even aware that I was in fact in a toxic friendship, so let’s begin looking at this from the beginning so we can all tell whether or not we are or have ever encountered a toxic friendship. But before we do, it should go on the record that there is very little difference between a toxic friendship and a toxic relationship so the things we discover here are applicable to relationships as well. Also, I’m not a psychology major/expert/doctor so this won’t be discussed exhaustively but it will be discussed as extensively as I possibly can.
So what does toxic even mean?! It means poisonous and no I’m not even making this up. So that means that Toxic relationships and toxic friendships are in fact poisonous. They are poisonous to you, to your health, to your mental health, to your self-esteem. It’s like trying to cultivate on poisonous soil, nothing will ever grow. So already, in a nutshell, toxic friendships are bad they aren’t good for us we shouldn’t strive for that because we are worth more than just a poisonous friendship right?!
So what are some characteristics to watch out for in a friendship you suspect is toxic?!
Unilateral communication. Are you the one always reaching out? Do you feel like the friendship is one sided? Do you feel like you are trying too hard? Then it’s probably no the friendship for you. You need to take a step or ten back. Look at the bigger picture what is this you are trying so hard for? Is she worth it? Is the friendship worth the trouble? If so then you have your answer and if not then… you also have your answer.
Hostility. Goodness you guys I could to you about this for days. Have you ever had someone who is so mean you have to be like “yo! Chill the fuck out!!!” yes my ex-friend could be so fucking mean so mean that I was at a loss for words which anyone that knows me would tell you is damn near impossible but sometimes she’d just be a grade a BITCH she was just going through so much I wasn’t really in a position to tell her but you know what, I don’t care what you’re going through, you don’t turn your gun fire on the people in your corner.
Selfish. It is always their show and it is always their turn. It is always their turn and their problems are always bigger than yours.
Negativity and feeling drained. Have you ever talked to someone then immediately after you feel a thousand tonnes heavier? Like their energy is so heavy it literally weighs you down? Or is it just a me thing? I guess I am pretty sensitive to people’s energy I guess I just wanted to be her friend so I ignored the thick poisonous cloud that is/was her energy. Toxic friendships are characterized by negativity, negative energy, and negative vibes. Damn, looking back I have no idea why I was trying *confused emoji*. She was so negative and I like positive vibes I give positive vibes. lol, I’m the kind of person that would try and find something positive out of even the most fucked up situation and that’s the kind of person we all need to be and we all need to befriend. Life is too short for negative vibes.
Guilt tripping. Dare you do the wrong thing, you will never hear the end of it. They are the kind of people who will never let anything go. They will hold things over your head until the second coming and hen demand forgiveness when they hurt you and give you ultimatums to coerce your forgiveness. Seriously, why do we befriend such people?*confused emoji*
Lack of trust. Is it possible to trust someone who is constantly mean? I don’t think so. No trust will develop and what is friendship without trust? It’s wasting time, that’s what it is.
Constant criticism. The last person who you need telling you you’re doing everything wrong is your friend. Friends are to support you and love you and care about you unconditionally unless you’re doing something that is harmful for your life. Then they have to say something but typically they don’t exist to criticise your every move.
Brings out the worst in you. Argh! She used to bring out the worst in me. You all know that misery Loves Company she would spread her negativity and her hostility and with time I started being hostile too and negative because no one is immune to overexposure to a toxic person, the poison will penetrate if you linger, remember that.
Unhappiness. Of course you’ll be unhappy in the friendship, there is nothing good that can grow out of poisonous soil. Nothing and if something does grows then be extremely weary of it. It’s probably more poisonous that the soil itself.
So what’s the point of all this? How do I conclude?! Well by saying that no one deserves to be stuck or trapped in a negative/toxic friendship. We all deserve better. All of us. Keep an eye out for these signs and constantly weigh the friendship, constantly ask yourself what you’re gaining and what you’re losing. Is it worth it for you to stay?! Is the friendship so great that you can withstand the costs?! If so then you have your answer and if not then you know what to do. One thing that I can say with confidence is that I am so much happier now that she’s no longer in my life. That’s how bad it was. I am happier alone/with the friends that I’m currently keeping. I know that walking away is hard it’s not something that’s easy for anyone, even when you know that walking away is the best thing for you to do. So walk away if you have to. Save yourself and if they ask you can blame it on me. Life is too short to be trapped in a toxic friendship.