The relationship power conundrum

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Maybe it’s just me but I believe people think that the power in a relationship is with whoever loves less. How many of you agree with that statement by a show of hand?!

If you agree then a few things could be true. 1) you’ve been hurt and turned into an emotionally closed off person. 2) you are with the wrong person 3) you are too young to understand what a healthy relationship should feel like and/or 4) you don’t love yourself enough to love another person as they ought to be loved. Now I know that some of you are suffering from all four of these and for everybody else I want you to understand that this may still speak to some of your traits one time or another.

First, let’s get this out of the way, that statement is wrong. This is not what I think, this is what I know to be true. For those of you who don’t read the Bible I honestly almost feel sorry for you because the Bible gives us real examples of what pure love is; real love is the kind of love that comes from God. That is the love of which I speak. It looks like Abraham staying by his barren wife, It looks like Hosea staying by his harlot wife’s side, it looks like Jesus being crucified for the church. The very church that persecuted him to die. Now I’m not saying any of you should go around dying for people, I don’t approve or recommend that at all but all I’m saying is that emotional maturity and God’s guidance gives you true love.

No one will say to you that true love is easy but it’s not hard in the ways that we think. True love shouldn’t hurt all the time. Yes, you will need to stay by this person’s side and grow but when they tell you they love you, you should be able to believe it with all your heart and soul, there should be no doubts and if there are doubts then ask yourself why.

A lot of the time our gut feeling will tell us all there is to know because our souls know all because our souls are eternal and have been around for a long time so it knows and it is able to tell us a good thing from a bad thing. If someone you’re with is withholding affection to have the power in the relationship then friends listen to me if only this once, leave them. They want all the power right?! Then they’ll have even more power without you. Don’t play that game, that game where you’re always on the losing side because the other person is the one who makes all the rules and you find that everyday you’re playing a different sport and the odds are just never in your favor. You don’t have to live like that. Take some time out to love yourself and understand what that feels like, having unconditional love for yourself.That way, you will have a gauge for someone else loving you and when it doesn’t feel right, you’ll know before you get hurt. You don’t have to get hurt, you can choose a love that feels good more than it feels bad. The power is in all our hands. If someone doesn’t want to love you, you have the power to let them know that whatever they’re giving you simply isn’t good enough but more importantly, you have the power to walk away.

 

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I’ll meet you at the đź”ť

“all those dreams of meeting at the top are just that…”

So when I’m bored and have run out of important things to do I scroll through people’s whatsapp statuses and I have come to find that some of those provide the best writing materials believe it or not. I have this darling friend who like me has had her fair share of tried and failed romantic encounters who had a very interesting status update. It was something about being so tired of loving and failing at love that she had decided she would conform to some other kind of love, the kind called “I’ll meet you at the top”. Funny thing about all this is that I had never before heard of such arrangements, that’s one and two friends, this could never work.

Don’t scowl at me I can see the appeal trust me I can but while you are there building yourself and he or she is building themselves some place else there is someone by his side just as there is someone by her side. Someone who is in her corner cheering her on no matter what. Someone who brings her coffee because he knows that she was up all night. Someone who was there when she failed and got up and went at it again. Someone who got down on his knees and prayed with her, someone who patiently waited when she told him she wasn’t in a space to date so instead of leaving to go work on himself, he stayed and worked on himself by her side, watching her and taking care of her as she needed to be taken care of.

Now let’s fast forward this to years later, there is the guy who stayed and grew with this girl let’s call him Richard and there is the other guy, let’s call him Kevin. In all honesty, who do you think she’ll end up with?! And let’s assume the guy had a similar situation on his end, do you think they stand a chance?! Let’s even sweeten this deal and say they tried I can tell you this right now it would t be to last. We humans are built a certain way, we are built to grow fond of the people who are by our side when we are at our lowest. I should know, I met my best friend when I was at my darkest time 7 years ago and she was the best thing that happened to me. I could do anything for her if she asked so you see, this dreams of meeting at the top are just that, dreams.

Love is overrated.

“Keep in mind that in this day and age no one will write about you having the greatest relationship. They already did a couple of centuries ago about two morons who both wound up dead, remember that?”

I was having a discussion with my child the other day. Not my real child, my metaphorical child and she is just as brilliant as her metaphorical mom. She and I have been obsessively watching Grey’s Anatomy, well she recommended it to me and I fell in love hard with the show. From this very brilliant show is where our conversation started from. She quoted something that at the time made absolutely no sense to me because I just wasn’t in that space so I told her to explain it to me and when she did it was like multiple sirens went off in my head and vibrated throughout my entire body. It was just such an “aha” moment I had to pause and catch my breath before I ofcourse decided that it was brilliant and must go up on my blog immediately.

This is why it’s important we think about the friends we keep because they are the people who help us grow, but only when we choose people who are sharp, people who live to challenge us and the way we think anyway I digress. The quote that got both our attention was Meredith’s mother telling her that anyone can fall hopelessly in love but not everyone can make an outstanding, phenomenal surgeon. Every surgeon can’t be the best, you have to choose to be the best. It’s something you have to fight for, you have to work for, you have to sacrifice for; you have to earn it.

The reason why that caught my attention is that like Meredith some of us, if not most of us are so focused on finding love any kind of love really, it could be the short and sweet kind, it could be the kind that eats you whole and owns you until the day you die, either way, we are all looking for it and maybe it’s time we all had a reality check.

Love doesn’t pay the bills, it doesn’t keep the lights on or gas the car or keep the water in the taps running. And like Meredith’s mom said, anyone can fall in love, you just have to let yourself but there is passion in other things, it can be found if you really want to make something of yourself, there is more than one way to make your life count. This whole piece sounds like I put my friend’s brain and mine together and this is what we came up with and it comes off as a little sharp but I am okay with that, Sharp has always been my style. Keep in mind that in this day and age no one will write about you having the greatest relationship. They already did a couple of centuries ago about two morons who both wound up dead, remember that? That was enough.

There are so many things I want us to talk about, this is just the beginning. Some of you may agree and some of you may disagree and that’s fine. Most of life I have learned is subjective, not objective, value over fact so it’s okay to agree to disagree sometimes. Be that as it may, my point is simple. At the end of the day, you could chase this love until the day you die and find you were chasing the wind or you can focus on who you are and what you do and make sure that you give your all where it counts. You can’t find love, it finds you and if it never does just remember that love is overrated and even if it isn’t, keep saying it to yourself and someday you might actually believe it.