The relationship power conundrum

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Maybe it’s just me but I believe people think that the power in a relationship is with whoever loves less. How many of you agree with that statement by a show of hand?!

If you agree then a few things could be true. 1) you’ve been hurt and turned into an emotionally closed off person. 2) you are with the wrong person 3) you are too young to understand what a healthy relationship should feel like and/or 4) you don’t love yourself enough to love another person as they ought to be loved. Now I know that some of you are suffering from all four of these and for everybody else I want you to understand that this may still speak to some of your traits one time or another.

First, let’s get this out of the way, that statement is wrong. This is not what I think, this is what I know to be true. For those of you who don’t read the Bible I honestly almost feel sorry for you because the Bible gives us real examples of what pure love is; real love is the kind of love that comes from God. That is the love of which I speak. It looks like Abraham staying by his barren wife, It looks like Hosea staying by his harlot wife’s side, it looks like Jesus being crucified for the church. The very church that persecuted him to die. Now I’m not saying any of you should go around dying for people, I don’t approve or recommend that at all but all I’m saying is that emotional maturity and God’s guidance gives you true love.

No one will say to you that true love is easy but it’s not hard in the ways that we think. True love shouldn’t hurt all the time. Yes, you will need to stay by this person’s side and grow but when they tell you they love you, you should be able to believe it with all your heart and soul, there should be no doubts and if there are doubts then ask yourself why.

A lot of the time our gut feeling will tell us all there is to know because our souls know all because our souls are eternal and have been around for a long time so it knows and it is able to tell us a good thing from a bad thing. If someone you’re with is withholding affection to have the power in the relationship then friends listen to me if only this once, leave them. They want all the power right?! Then they’ll have even more power without you. Don’t play that game, that game where you’re always on the losing side because the other person is the one who makes all the rules and you find that everyday you’re playing a different sport and the odds are just never in your favor. You don’t have to live like that. Take some time out to love yourself and understand what that feels like, having unconditional love for yourself.That way, you will have a gauge for someone else loving you and when it doesn’t feel right, you’ll know before you get hurt. You don’t have to get hurt, you can choose a love that feels good more than it feels bad. The power is in all our hands. If someone doesn’t want to love you, you have the power to let them know that whatever they’re giving you simply isn’t good enough but more importantly, you have the power to walk away.

 

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I don’t want to post

“You don’t have to drown.”

I was talking to my mom the other day which I have to say is one of my favorite things to do because she is a well of knowledge and ever my favorite teacher. She has a blog too for a much more mature crowd though I will leave a link to her blog at the bottom of this post for any of you who may want to check it out. The reason why I am mentioning her blog is because the day we were talking about writing she told me that she hasn’t been posting on her blog and I was curious as to why and  the more we spoke the more it because clear to me what the problem was. Self-doubt.

This is so weird because she is one of the most confident women I know. She taught me confidence so I know, she taught me to love myself and to always be confident and proud of my work and yet here she was going through a self-doubting phase. Why I’m I telling you about my mom? Because human beings have similar problems, similar challenges. I know we all like to think our difficulties are special or unique but truth is that no one’s problem is unique. My mom goes through self-doubt same as everyone else. Same as me when I’m having a hard time with school or a project I want to pitch to a client or this that or the other thing.

It’s okay to have a hard time, it’s okay to go through these phases but you must use them to your advantage otherwise they will swallow you whole. The first step is to talk about it. Do you know how we lose to life? Because we think we can do everything by ourselves, while the fact of the matter is that we can’t. We need help, we are social beings for a reason. We do better together. After talking about it, you need to take the next step. For my mom it was to post on her blog, what’s the next step for you? What are you afraid of? Failing? Criticism? Falling flat on your face? Defeat? Being rejected?! Whatever it is, it’s okay to doubt, it’s in our nature to want certainty and security and to stay only where we are comfortable, but pushing past those fears and doubts is how we grow. It’s how we build up the courage to do more daring things. All you need is a little bit of support. My mom has me and you have me too. As my readers I encourage you to reach out to me anytime you want to talk. My email is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week, use it. You don’t have to drown.

 

Training

I know what I’m training for, do you?!

I started writing this piece then somehow my thought process went right off the rails and I had to start over. I realized that my opinion was too biased and I’m not here to play “mom”  to any of my readers. I don’t exist here to tell you what to do so I had to do this piece over.

What does training mean?! Take your time… I’ll wait. Good we all on the same page now, great! So a lot of people from school have been commenting on how I dress now, they say it’s so official and sophisticated and in truth, yes it is all of that, but why is the question. I’m I working? Yes. And we all are. Some of us just take it more seriously than others. Most students don’t realize that college is a training ground. We are all being trained to be a certain person. I’ll give you an example, say you want to be a business consultant, that dream doesn’t start when you graduate, It starts when you decided that your time in campus and your tuition is a seed and what you want to saw from it is business consulting. Now, who do you want to be in the firm?! Are you a partner?  Are you a clerk? Are you in the mail room or are you the Director?! Whatever your answer was is what you are training for.

Every day that’s who or what you are training for. Directors don’t become directors on the day they are appointed, no no no, they become Directors when they’re still in school they know exactly where they are going, they know all their goals and they know just how to make it happen. They look like directors even now, their suits may not be Armani but they are still in a suit, they are precise, they get the job done, they are always ahead of schedule and they don’t have time for excuses. Does it sound like a lot of work?! Of course, it does! If it was easy everyone could do it, but not everyone can and not everyone who starts succeeds because the top is not meant for everyone. It’s meant for the few who are willing to go the distance. It’s meant for the few who know just what is at stake and are able to take advantage of every opportunity. Those are the CEOs and the Directors.

My point being, in this world there is only two things and I know someone may contradict me on this and I hope you do (in the comment section below) but the way I see it there is only winners and losers. People who always know what they are training for and people who don’t have a clue. Nothing in between. Now understand that winning means something different for every individual, but all in all there are only two teams and I know what team I’m playing for do you?!

What about your dreams?!

“if you don’t spend your time working on your dream, you’ll be paid to work on someone else’s dream.”

Something has recently been brought to my attention, it was a quote actually. It read if you don’t spend your time working on your dream you’ll spend it working for someone else’s dream. The reason why the quote called to me is because I’m a freelancer I write for a living, I write for people’s blogs and magazines and websites which is good I mean we all have to work for a living but I haven’t had a second to even check whether or not my blog is still alive and hence the quote. It’s almost like it was meant just for me as I’m sure someone else will feel as though the quote was just for them. I love what I do as I’m sure some of you also do but I don’t want to forget that I have dreams of my own too.

I think we often get lost in other people’s dreams because the part that needs us is something we love to do. I write and I love writing and because it’s what I do for a living at the time I forget that all this is for someone else’s benefit it’s so that their dream flourishes, blossoms, and what about my dream?! What about your dream?! I’m I the only one who feels like this or have ever felt like this atleast once?! Perhaps. Perhaps not. But if you have the least you could do is like this article :).

I am so grateful for that quote because it asked me a question; Do you remember that you also have dreams, life goals?! And it’s almost as though I had forgotten or else I wouldn’t need to be reminded. I think you may have forgotten to so this is a reminder to you. Don’t sleep on tour dreams and spend all your juice working on someone else’s because you’ll wake up and realise you’re all out of juice. Are you still with me?! Are you paying attention?!