I know I’ve been coming at you with these relationship based posts at rapid speed but it’s only because as I left most of my foolishness in 2017 I also left two very heavy relationships and lucky for you they provided me with plenty of material to write about. Lol who’d have thought I’d be so excited to be rid of them?! Okay here we go.
So… Red flags, what are they in reference to a relationship?! Good question. I think if you look it up you’ll find all sorts of explanations, all justified but I would describe a red flag in a relationship as anything in the relationship that violates your core values, anything that would be detrimental to the relationship in the long run or anything that you know you just can’t tolerate in the long run.
Wow there is so much I want to say about this as usual I hardly know where to start. I think we should start with a story yes that’s the best place to start. There was once a girl called Becky now this Becky met a man called Daniel and fell head over heels in love with this man only problem is there were things about him she didn’t like, things that she could see, things her girlfriends could see as well but for some reason she decided to overlook them as most of us do. So what was wrong with Daniel you ask, well, Daniel had serious case of something called potty mouth lol do you know what potty mouth is?! If you don’t this is a beautiful learning moment for you. Daniel also had violent tendencies that she saw and in all her wisdom chose to ignore after all Daniel had found Jesus and Jesus cures all things I’m I right?! 😂 Daniel was relatively selfish now this wouldn’t be a problem if Becky was selfish too but she wasn’t she was the kindest most generous peach you’ve ever met. So Becky and Daniel date and court and eventually get married but then she notices that the things that used to bother her about this man are now amplified you know why?! Because now it’s not as easy for her to just up and leave and also because when people get married they generally tend to get more comfortable with their spouse you know, if they had potty mouth on check when they were dating you it turns to a sewer mouth and so on and so forth. In the end, all the things that prompted her to leave, that she chose to ignore were what ended the marriage and do you think it was his fault?! Not really. I think it was hers, for ignoring red flags. The moment she saw those red flags and chose to ignore them, it seized being his fault completely. They are there for a reason. Now it may seem as though I’m pointing to Becky and laughing and I am, but I’ve had my fair share of foolishness and stupidity. I’ve been a Becky before I just don’t know how to talk about my own version without violating the other person’s privacy.
For those of you who are spiritual and or believe in a God or deity of any kind, you can agree or disagree with me on the fact that God shows us red flags 🚩. God is always watching over us and protecting us from our own foolishness. Red flags 🚩are what tell us that the person we think is so compatible to us, is in fact not compatible at all. Red flags 🎌 are what tell us to pull out before we get hurt, before we are overly invested, before we give our all only to be crushed both figuratively and/or literally. I feel like when we pray about these things and we invite God into them he literally descends and gets involved, always watching and loving us through, always out to protect his own.
Excuse the sermon sometimes I get carried away. So here is my point, falling in love blindly, is for the foolish and irresponsible. And as Keisha Green would say “jumping without a net is for the birds”. Yes dating someone who shows you obvious red flags is like jumping off a cliff without having a net to catch you, and that too will also be your fault. Open your eyes ladies and remaining gentleman, keep your eyes peeled open and pray about all these things even those things he’s/she’s been working so hard to hide will be revealed. I know this was a little preachy but I’ve seen what it’s like when you tell God to step aside and let you handle things on your own. Let’s just put it this way, even the most obvious RED FLAG becomes completely oblivious to you.
Maybe it’s just me but I believe people think that the power in a relationship is with whoever loves less. How many of you agree with that statement by a show of hand?!
If you agree then a few things could be true. 1) you’ve been hurt and turned into an emotionally closed off person. 2) you are with the wrong person 3) you are too young to understand what a healthy relationship should feel like and/or 4) you don’t love yourself enough to love another person as they ought to be loved. Now I know that some of you are suffering from all four of these and for everybody else I want you to understand that this may still speak to some of your traits one time or another.
First, let’s get this out of the way, that statement is wrong. This is not what I think, this is what I know to be true. For those of you who don’t read the Bible I honestly almost feel sorry for you because the Bible gives us real examples of what pure love is; real love is the kind of love that comes from God. That is the love of which I speak. It looks like Abraham staying by his barren wife, It looks like Hosea staying by his harlot wife’s side, it looks like Jesus being crucified for the church. The very church that persecuted him to die. Now I’m not saying any of you should go around dying for people, I don’t approve or recommend that at all but all I’m saying is that emotional maturity and God’s guidance gives you true love.
No one will say to you that true love is easy but it’s not hard in the ways that we think. True love shouldn’t hurt all the time. Yes, you will need to stay by this person’s side and grow but when they tell you they love you, you should be able to believe it with all your heart and soul, there should be no doubts and if there are doubts then ask yourself why.
A lot of the time our gut feeling will tell us all there is to know because our souls know all because our souls are eternal and have been around for a long time so it knows and it is able to tell us a good thing from a bad thing. If someone you’re with is withholding affection to have the power in the relationship then friends listen to me if only this once, leave them. They want all the power right?! Then they’ll have even more power without you. Don’t play that game, that game where you’re always on the losing side because the other person is the one who makes all the rules and you find that everyday you’re playing a different sport and the odds are just never in your favor. You don’t have to live like that. Take some time out to love yourself and understand what that feels like, having unconditional love for yourself.That way, you will have a gauge for someone else loving you and when it doesn’t feel right, you’ll know before you get hurt. You don’t have to get hurt, you can choose a love that feels good more than it feels bad. The power is in all our hands. If someone doesn’t want to love you, you have the power to let them know that whatever they’re giving you simply isn’t good enough but more importantly, you have the power to walk away.
You know my favorite thing about growing up is growing up. I love how it feels to know better and not kick myself when I’m down. That was a side note. Today, we are talking about friends and how to distinguish the good ones from the other ones who are in the regular pile. We all know what friends are right?! But what makes a friend a good friend?!
A good friend is supportive but at the same time a good friend will challenge you. I think to me this is the most important aspect of a friendship. Having people around who challenge me, not just regular people, people I call friends. Your friends should challenge you to be better because that’s what good friends do. They keep moving the goal post for you if you won’t move it for yourself. This is where I think guys fall short because guys don’t want to be challenged, they want to be comfortable. But in truth and without bias we all want to be comfortable, a lot of the time we don’t have it I ourselves to push the boundaries of comfort and mediocrity. This is where the good friend comes in. They know you, they see the problem and they come to help.
A good friend is there when you need them. You need to realize that your friends are human beings, they aren’t part human and part psychic. Don’t expect them to read your mind. If you need them let them know. A good friend might not always be there when you want them but they will always, always be there when you need them. Remember that.
A good friend will tell you when you are wrong. This is needed. Not only that but is super important. Life is a series of choices. Everything is a choice. The most important thing you can have is someone who can help you through some of those choices especially when you are making the wrong one. This is very important. A good friend is not afraid to not be on the same page as you because they know that your relationship is built on a solid foundation.
A good friend has your best interest at heart. In all honesty this one needs no explanation. They have your best interest at heart period! They want what’s best for you even though it might not be the best thing for them. And before this is taken out of context let me give an example. The other day my best friend told me that she has an opportunity to leave school for a semester to work and this would mean that I won’t be able to see her at school anymore but I told her to take it anyway because that opportunity might be the only one for a while and I wouldn’t want her to miss it for anything.
PS: To all my new followers, Thank you and welcome to the family. All my love.