It seems as though the universe was just waiting for my people to have a minute them give me my fair share because as soon as they were done having their thing it was my turn. I was having a moment with… it’s difficult, let’s see where a good place would be to begin.
Okay so you know how when you are mad at someone you play all these different kind of scenarios, each worse than the last, you ask yourself questions and answer them yourself or ask the wrong people or is this just a me thing? Sometimes when you’re seeing someone and you just don’t want to ask them questions just because they are already so many in your head you wouldn’t know where to start and also because you’ve been talking about all this with yourself so long that you don’t feel like you need to ask because you already know, and to top it all off you ask your girlfriends and none of them has anything positive to say?
Anyway, that was the situation. There I was having made up entire stories having filled them in myself and I was seething mad I couldn’t think straight and I know a lot of us do this all the time. We fill our minds with lies and then get so mad for quite literally nothing.
There I was, pacing up and down my room contemplating what I would do with all this “information”. Should I break up with him or confront him about all this or should I just keep quiet? Or maybe I should just forget all this and become a lesbian. Who needs all this noise? I was losing my mind and as if God knew, duh! Of course he knows, he sent my girlfriend over. She could see I wasn’t going to be good company that night so we talked about what was eating me up and I was just like “babe just tell me what to do. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it and if all this blows up in my face then so be it because I am not in a position to think rationally”, and just like that she put out the furnace. At that moment although I already knew that I loved her, I felt a love more profound than I could possibly express. Thank God for girlfriends, thank God for people who can tell us what to do when we are not in a position to make rational decisions for ourselves.