So a while back, a long while back after writing my married men on tinder piece someone asked me who hurt me and I was so offended, I’m still offended. Is it rocket science that the wife’s side is the right side? No!!! I didn’t think so either. I turned those married men down NOT because some married guy hurt me but because I thought their behaviour was shameful and disrespectful, I turned them down because I respect the wife and I respect marriage as an institution and I look forward to being married someday and when that day comes I won’t be distracted hiding from karma. Dear married men on tinder shame on you and shame on you again, and as for the person who asked me the foolish question, you have your answer J. Now in the midst of being upset and catching feelings and all that it got me thinking about emotional scars, why I don’t really know. Maybe it was because often we don’t properly heal from bad relationships and when we don’t, bad things happen.
I have said this time and time again, if you’ve never really been in love then none of this will make any sense to you, it will all just seem like things that have been exaggerated you know, it will all seem like overreacting but I promise you it’s not I actually almost wish it was. Sometimes you fall in love with someone and it feels like, to quote Julia Roberts in eat pray love, “it’s like when the magician performs that trick where he jumps off the pole and dives into a cup of water disappearing completely”. Sometimes it feels like you’ve been swept off your feet and you only feel them under you after you’ve been dropped with a loud thud that leaves you completely broken, sometimes it’s that great big love, the one that’s worth changing for, worth crossing oceans for, and when that person breaks your heart you can almost feel it cracking inside your chest, lol I know the few of you who understand what I’m talking about are nodding your heads and the majority who don’t are like “what a drama queen,” “How so very melodramatic” and that’s okay.
Now when this great love leaves you or when you part ways, the both of you, it’s very likely that scars will form over time because when wounds heal some of them leave scars and that’s what I want us to talk about today. Ofcourse I won’t talk about them all because if I were to do that we would be here all month long and no one wants to spend that much time with any one person I’m I right? I came to understand that when you lose someone like that, like the one I’ve just described, when you lose them I think it’s called ambiguous loss, it’s when someone is gone but they are still here. Losing someone like that will feel like they’ve died, so you have to grieve them, that is my point. Yes, you have to go through the motions, get angry, cry it out, do whatever you need to do to accept what’s just happened and when the wounds heal these are some scars that remain, the doozies i.e.:
- Heart burn. Unfortunately, our hearts aren’t fireproof, I wish they were though, we probably all do. When a relationship ends, everyone loses. I have said that before and I will say it again. I don’t mean that relationship where he’s cheating or she’s cheating and everyone knows it and everyone just wishes they’d break up already and stop wasting everybody’s time, I’m talking about that relationship that makes everyone drool and hate their life, I mean the kind where they seem so happy they make your lonely self feel suicidal, that’s the kind of relationship I’m referring too. Yes, those also break up, you’d be surprised. Point is when your heart is set ablaze and not in a good way, it will burn, there are no two ways about it, and that’s okay just put the fire out and nurse it. There is no heart that is burnt beyond repair otherwise divorced and widowed people would never have any chance of remarrying so just don’t be too mean with your heart. Guarding it is one thing but keeping it from experiencing love ever again is another thing altogether. Your heart will heal in time, in time everything heals so let it, and then be open to love again. I wish I could tell you that you’ll never be hurt again but lol I’m not God but in any case falling in love is the riskiest business in the world so my advice is, invest wisely and take that leap of faith, because if there is something I’ve witnessed is that off the right cliff, the net will appear. I promise❤.
- Bitter shrew. Don’t be bitter, get better. As I have said time and time again, learn from your experiences. Ofcourse I’m not the best at taking my own advice but hopefully one of you is better at it than I am. It is so easy to go to the dark side, but you have to remember to keep choosing love. It’s not easy but it’s not impossible either. How do you do it? I am so glad you asked. By surrounding yourself with positivity, watch comedies and stand up comedies, laugh, spend more time with your family, not the crazy side that criticizes you all the time and will talk about your ex on a loop, the good side that is team you and just wants to spend quality time with you. Watch romance movies that all have happy endings. Reprogram your brain and your heart to remember that NOT all relationships end in heartache. It’ll hurt at first, you won’t be able to get through them without crying or breaking something if that’s the kind of person you are but it gets easier I promise. And because you’ll be feeling genuinely sad, cry it out just don’t allow yourself to get depressed and stay depressed. Keep making an effort to put a smile on your face 😊.
- Stuck in time [I’m stuck]. I know from experience that you will be tempted to be stuck. When you love someone who means the world to you and then they decide they just don’t want to be with you any more L, your heart stops for a moment, for that split second time stands still and that’s where you go back to, over and over again, so that when someone new attempts to come close you go back to that dark place, that hurtful place and re-live one of the worst moments of your life on a loop , don’t do that to yourself. You are human you will be tempted to do so because I know from experience that you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness. Don’t do that to yourself, grieve, then put that chapter of your life away and start over.
Start over even with yourself. Who are you without them? I know we change when we are in love/in a relationship, we go conforming certain elements our personalities to this other person so that our persons mesh together better but they aren’t here now so who are you without them? Do you still like horror movies when you’re alone? What’s your favorite colour? What’s your favourite kind of music? Discover yourself, you just might find you love the you that’s without them 😊.
If you liked this article please hit the like button and share. Thank you so much for stopping by!!!❤❤❤