“all those dreams of meeting at the top are just that…”
So when I’m bored and have run out of important things to do I scroll through people’s whatsapp statuses and I have come to find that some of those provide the best writing materials believe it or not. I have this darling friend who like me has had her fair share of tried and failed romantic encounters who had a very interesting status update. It was something about being so tired of loving and failing at love that she had decided she would conform to some other kind of love, the kind called “I’ll meet you at the top”. Funny thing about all this is that I had never before heard of such arrangements, that’s one and two friends, this could never work.
Don’t scowl at me I can see the appeal trust me I can but while you are there building yourself and he or she is building themselves some place else there is someone by his side just as there is someone by her side. Someone who is in her corner cheering her on no matter what. Someone who brings her coffee because he knows that she was up all night. Someone who was there when she failed and got up and went at it again. Someone who got down on his knees and prayed with her, someone who patiently waited when she told him she wasn’t in a space to date so instead of leaving to go work on himself, he stayed and worked on himself by her side, watching her and taking care of her as she needed to be taken care of.
Now let’s fast forward this to years later, there is the guy who stayed and grew with this girl let’s call him Richard and there is the other guy, let’s call him Kevin. In all honesty, who do you think she’ll end up with?! And let’s assume the guy had a similar situation on his end, do you think they stand a chance?! Let’s even sweeten this deal and say they tried I can tell you this right now it would t be to last. We humans are built a certain way, we are built to grow fond of the people who are by our side when we are at our lowest. I should know, I met my best friend when I was at my darkest time 7 years ago and she was the best thing that happened to me. I could do anything for her if she asked so you see, this dreams of meeting at the top are just that, dreams.
Act of Random Kindness. How many of you have watched Evans almighty By show of hand?! I got this beautiful beautiful acronym from it. Ofcourse I’ve never thought about it until just now but then again, we don’t need things until we need them if that makes any sense. So there is a story to this ofcourse, there is always a story. So I made it through Monday that’s the day fall semester classes were starting, that probably was the wrong way to go about it, for me that is, but I needn’t bore you with that today.
So school was starting and I had this whole list of things to do, I am a lists person, I like to plan out my days a week in advance so on Monday I went to finance to swipe a card to pay for transport and then the card wasn’t working it said insufficient funds but it had funds in it, it just wasn’t working that day, already that put me in a mood because that was going to lead to a chain of other things that I had to do, and failing to swipe that card successfully put a pause to other things. So my day wasn’t off to the best start. So I left finance and went to the cafeteria, thank the Lord for coffee by the way otherwise I don’t know that anyone that met me that day would ever speak to me again. The coffee helped put me in a better mood and allowed me to calm down and sort things out. While I was seated there trying to adjust my schedule, something told me to show someone some kindness and pouty as I was, I complied because my higher self told me to and I can hardly put this into words but it felt so good for me, probably more than it felt good for the other person. It made me realise something, good and positive energy we give, kindness we show other people is for us more than it is for anybody else.
For me, that small thing fixed my whole day. After that everything else went better, felt better. And I am so, so glad that I can show someone else kindness, this is something that I can do, I say this because I know so many of us have opportunities to do the same but we choose different. I tell you now though, the next time you have any such opportunity, please choose kindness, once you do and feel that surge of positive energy it injects into you, into your day and your life, you’ll never choose differently ever again.
I don’t like the people, that’s a fact but the people I do like make me very happy which is not the point. I was speaking to someone today and honestly I had one of those “I need to sit down” moments. Someone Okay let’s call them Grey, so Grey had something interesting to say about international students at my school. Now as someone with authority what he told me grossed me out because it brought me back to that very basic Sunday school teaching, ‘be your brother’s keeper’.
Who is your brother?! I mean how literally should we take this?! So what happens when you don’t have a brother at all, obviously this doesn’t apply to you then. Okay now, in all seriousness, who is your brother in this case?! What does this mean for you?! For me, it means anyone who needs me to look out for them, it’s anyone who would benefit from my kindness or my warmth or concern, that is the brother that God demands I look out for.
In this particular case he was talking about international kids who attend my school and it started out with why schools have student representatives and what their roles are, all that stuff but it quickly took a relationship turn as most things do and he told me how he watches them mess up and if I wasn’t brought up a lady I would have slapped that stupid, smug face of his. He has authority to tell someone in a better, more suitable position to help to help because he can see that help is needed.
Seriously though what is wrong with people?! Is it poor upbringing or just arrogance. If your mom saw you doing this very thing, would she be stunned or proud?! I pride myself in minding my own business but maybe that can’t always be the case. If someone needed me and I could see that minding my business in that case is not for the best then I must intervene. As for Grey, he and I never got a chance to finish our conversation, we were interrupted and I couldn’t be late for class but he could tell from my reaction that his choice in the matter was the wrong one in my opinion. I don’t approve of people who watch other people burn to the ground while they have a bucket of water at hand. That is not okay. It makes you arrogant, it makes you a bad person.
So let’s sum this up, you have to be your brother’s keeper. That’s our job, all of us. You, me, your neighbor, that lady down the street, all of us. Nothing bad can come from caring for someone else or for showing someone kindness. It is not possible, I’m certain.
“we fall in lust get attached then call it love, that doesn’t make it love.”
This is my two cents on the matter. What is love? Where does it come from? How do we get the right kind of love? I think True love comes from friendship, friendship, and communion.
the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level.
Okay first can we agree on how beautiful that meaning is? Okay now that we are all on the same page about that can we also agree that none of us has ever been in love? Great. That just solved half the problem. I was talking to my soulmate the other day and she was complaining about how she thinks love stinks and how love is pain and how she wanted to get a tattoo that says the same and God help me I almost slapped her for it because that is nonsense.
People go around asking what love is and I think I know what love is and if I’m wrong then I’m wrong but love is God and God is love. It’s really that simple. What does God mean to you? Because God for me means comfort and friendship and companionship and growth and acceptance and kindness and tolerance and patience and forgiveness. When have you experienced all this in a romantic relationship? Have you ever? No? Then there is your answer.
We fall blindly in lust which is ironic because we fall in lust trusting only what we see with our eyes. You see him and he looks cute and she looks gorgeous but that’s all he/she has to offer, then you have the nerve to say love sucks, love doesn’t suck, you suck. You chose your partner from optics and optics alone and then when they turn out to be nothing but a pretty shell you complain. You made your bed, so must you lay in it in silence my friends.
You want to find love first thing you do is pray about it. Ask God for help for he is the source of all love. Often we ask for things we want forgetting to ask for things that we need. God knows what you need and guess what, He will give it to you, no begging required, no hurt nothing like that because God understands.
Okay let’s summarise this: 1) God and love are one and the same thing and I promise you love understands. 2) Love is all the things that you need, and no I am not talking about your optics, you want her to have big tits and a Nikki Minaj ass, you will continue to be hurt until the day you die, but when you ask God for the right things you will never go wrong, someone kind who will love and accept you just as you are, there is somewhere to start. 3) None of us have been in love thus far, we’ve been in lust and that’s not love’s fault. Leave love out of your failure at a lust based relationships because was never there to begin with, love is innocent.
I woke up and it was Monday. If I’m being truthful I don’t recall ever being asleep unless closing your eyes and listening to your clock ticking counts as sleeping. I was so nervous about today. I still am given I’m writing this while in the school bus, I’m not even in school yet but this was the hard part if I’m being truly honest. This is the first step at this new semester. Seeing familiar faces that I only see in school seeing that driver that doesn’t like me very much and so on and so forth it makes my tummy have this sinking feeling that I’m sure you’re all too familiar with.
In all honesty I was tired of not having a structured routine and tired of having projects that had me stay up all night to complete them because that’s just who I am. I can’t help myself. I start something I simply have to complete it or at least continue to work on it until I’m about to pass out from sleep or exhaustion. Anyhow today is the first day of school again and it feels weird. Not a good weird or a bad weird just weird, period. All in all though I’m excited. I have to be because today I’m a sophomore.
Well, I made it this far, the least I could do is show up for the semester.
“You don’t have to drown.”
I was talking to my mom the other day which I have to say is one of my favorite things to do because she is a well of knowledge and ever my favorite teacher. She has a blog too for a much more mature crowd though I will leave a link to her blog at the bottom of this post for any of you who may want to check it out. The reason why I am mentioning her blog is because the day we were talking about writing she told me that she hasn’t been posting on her blog and I was curious as to why and the more we spoke the more it because clear to me what the problem was. Self-doubt.
This is so weird because she is one of the most confident women I know. She taught me confidence so I know, she taught me to love myself and to always be confident and proud of my work and yet here she was going through a self-doubting phase. Why I’m I telling you about my mom? Because human beings have similar problems, similar challenges. I know we all like to think our difficulties are special or unique but truth is that no one’s problem is unique. My mom goes through self-doubt same as everyone else. Same as me when I’m having a hard time with school or a project I want to pitch to a client or this that or the other thing.
It’s okay to have a hard time, it’s okay to go through these phases but you must use them to your advantage otherwise they will swallow you whole. The first step is to talk about it. Do you know how we lose to life? Because we think we can do everything by ourselves, while the fact of the matter is that we can’t. We need help, we are social beings for a reason. We do better together. After talking about it, you need to take the next step. For my mom it was to post on her blog, what’s the next step for you? What are you afraid of? Failing? Criticism? Falling flat on your face? Defeat? Being rejected?! Whatever it is, it’s okay to doubt, it’s in our nature to want certainty and security and to stay only where we are comfortable, but pushing past those fears and doubts is how we grow. It’s how we build up the courage to do more daring things. All you need is a little bit of support. My mom has me and you have me too. As my readers I encourage you to reach out to me anytime you want to talk. My email is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week, use it. You don’t have to drown.
“…invitation is not for family.”
As some of you may know it was my birthday not too long ago and I spent it with the most amazing human beings on earth. One of those humans just so happens to be one of the most amazing souls I have had the pleasure of meeting and she has continued to remind me that it’s not what people say, it’s what people do. Or rather it’s what people say then do that matters. This may be similar to my “shh show me” piece but I can’t help that. So we had such a good time and she said something to me that I found to be so profound. After she left, of course, I thanked her for coming because I was brought up well but also because coming to celebrate with me meant the world to me and do you know what she said? Can you guess? Don’t worry I’ll wait.
She said that I mustn’t thank her because family shows up for family, always.
I couldn’t have topped that if I tried. You see there are two kinds of family, there is the kind we are blessed with by God and the kind we choose for ourselves and even though we thank god for both, we all know that the most magical kind is the kind we choose but more importantly chooses us too. Someone I thought was my family didn’t show up and I wasn’t mad because if they had then I wouldn’t have known that she and I weren’t family but I know now and I am grateful for it because it’s important to know the truth. Where was I going with this?
Okay so here is my point, you will know your family because family shows up, always. They don’t wait for some invitation because invitation is not for family. And if you are lucky enough to have a family then it is your job to love them with everything you have and with everything you are because family is the only thing that lasts. I am so lucky and blessed and lucky and blessed. Yes so much so that I had to say it twice, I most certainly did. You are lucky too, so does your family know how important they are to you? Do they know you love them? Have you said it?
Lastly, this piece is a special tribute to all my family but especially my soulmate Mary Kalekye and my brother Wayne. It may not be all that creative but it is all that sincere, from the deepest part of my heart I love you, each one of you because my heart is big enough and it has enough love for all of you. So know this I will show up uninvited to celebrate all your triumphs with you and your birthdays and everything in between because that is what family does.
PS: The same applies to my blog family, if your birthday is coming up and there is no one to celebrate you, hit me up, I will celebrate you, send you a card present and everything because you are important to me.