Do you know how not all of us are meant to be doctors? And not all of can be accountants? Well no all of us can be in relationships successfully. The sooner we realize that and accept it the better. I came across a video the other day, I don’t really remember the details but I remember that it really made me think about things, about relationship things specifically. She asked and I’ll ask you the same question. Why do you want to be in a relationship? What is it about it that you are craving? I’m not asking this hypothetically, I actually require you to write a list of all the things you crave, make it as long as you like just be honest about it. Be honest with yourself, then take another look at that list and make a plan, a plan to do all those things alone. Go on dates alone, get comfortable with your own company, enjoy spending time with yourself, sleeping alone, and find a way to make your bed not so lonely. Work around the “problems” you have created for yourself. Do fun things, write a bucket list and make those things happen, make it happen for yourself.
Why do you want a boyfriend or a girlfriend? What’s in it for them? You already know what’s in it for you, what’s in it for them? Who are you? Are you a good person or are they better off with someone else? No don’t look away, I’m trying to save your soul, deep down you know you’re wounded, so why date someone just to hurt them? Take some time out and let them heal. Write a list of all the thing you expect from your partner then as yourself if you can give your potential/future partner the one you want so desperately all the thing that you expect from them. If not then take a step or two or ten back and first work on yourself, make sure you already have all those things you desire then you can be in a position to expect them. Just remember that
Are you sure you are ready for a relationship or are you just out to waste your time and theirs? How much are you willing to change, to grow, to sacrifice, to compromise, and to mature? It’s not a game as most people like to think of it as. As a matter of fact, if you meet someone who thinks of it as such feel free to friendzone them for all eternity. Love is not a game. Love is complete and utter surrender. If you read your bible, in the letter to the Corinthians Paul tells them what love is. At no point in time did he say that love is a game. He also never said that love is an emotion. Love is a series of actions that someone chooses to do towards someone else. God loves us every single day and we can all attest to this, how? Because God is patient and God is kind and god doesn’t judge us or hold things over us, God is not quick to anger. And all the other things that make-up what love actually is. It is a lot of things, what it isn’t is a game.
Being in a relationship means you are willing to change for this person you want to be with. It means that you are in fact willing to go the distance for them and not scowling and squawking like an adolescent, by taking up this new relationship like an adult, like the man you keep calling yourself, being a man doesn’t come by beating your chest and making false claims, it comes by putting away your childishness and deciding that you want to be a better man, you want to be that man she sees you as. Because he makes you a better person. It’s not all about the man, maybe you are a little ratchet, maybe tone it down and be the respectable woman he sees you as. Let the relationship be a second act. An opportunity to show yourself and your partner who you are minus your shallow ego. The part of you that communes with God. Be that person, choose to be that person and if you can be that person, walk away. Don’t let it start.
Is he a potential husband? Is she a potential wife? If not, don’t do it! Don’t do that to yourself where you go in telling yourself that you can change them, that somehow you can make them want what you want. It never works, unless you are Jesus or God, you can only change yourself. We need to stop deluding ourselves, we do not have the power to change people only God can and that an okay thing just don’t hurt yourself making him a better man for some other woman. And don’t waste your time making an honest woman out of her for some other man. There are so many videos all over the internet, I mean most of them are repetitive but well on the up side it makes it easier to remember. I was going through them to get some content for you guys and they were oh so enlightening. It illuminated the fact that we court wrong. Yes, we court wrong. How can someone even do that?
Well, simply how we go about courtship now. What do we use that time to do? To go out on dates and take pictures for the ‘gram’ and then what? He asks you to be his girl and you’re so high off all the money he has spent on you, you say yes before actually looking at the situation for what it is. In all that time you didn’t think to ask him anything of relative importance. Questions like what drew him to you? Other than your looks cause obviously he had to have been attracted to you at some level to approach you but what else? Questions like when he means he is God fearing what does he actually mean? Does he go to church? How often and why? What’s his family like? Remember that when you marry him you marry his whole family too. Is he coming from a broken home? If yes has he talked to someone about it? Because yes he is wounded whether he admits it to you or not he is and he should talk to someone about it before pledging how he will love you forever and yet he is only half a man.
Ask the right questions. More questions. What are his short-term goals? What are his long-term goals? What does he know about you thus far? Can he answer the most basic questions about you like are you Christian? How often you go to church, what your favourite colour is how many children you are in your home and what your maiden name is? Basic stuff. Nothing rocket science there but is he able to do it? To answer your question that is? Can he? Or is he just wasting your time? I watched another video by Pastor R.C. Jake and he said that we have to ask questions, why? Because questions reveal MOTIVE. You will know he ain’t worth shit simply by how he answers questions. Something else you have to give a budding relationship is time. In this day and age when we all are all hot and bothered, ladies and gentlemen keep it in your pants. Give it time. Give it time so the true colours slowly start to come out. Give the masks time to fall off. Time reveals most things if not all things, so give it time and pay attention. Don’t give it time then spend that time with your eyes closed, keep your eyes peeled wide open and ask to hang out with his friends, go to his church with him, it will answer so many questions for you. Talk about premarital sex. Is he for it or against it? And if he is for it and he calls himself a God fearing man, then already, you have a problem!
So what’s the conclusion for all this, relationships are a major undertaking and if you want to get hurt you go right ahead and do your thing but if you want to do it and do it right, then maybe get some guidance, get some support, seek council. But before all that stuff ask yourself one very important question, are you ready? Are you ready for the long haul, because if you are thinking short term then the answer is NO, you are in fact not ready! But if you are, you need some help. You need someone who will show you the difference between the wolf and the sheep. You can’t do it alone.
PS; You need Jesus, you need the discernment that can only come from God, that’s what you need and yes you can’t do it alone. Take it from someone who has already don’t the leg work. Thanks for stopping by please hit the like button and share❤❤❤.