Expectation Vs reality

Summer semester was interesting and eventful. For me anyway. And for those of you who think I’m pretentious for calling it summer semester and that’s fine, you can think whatever you want 🙂 anywho, I met someone someone who I thought was interesting and brilliant and just all round amazing. And honestly I was in awe because for me academic brilliance is nothing short of a turn on. Don’t judge me😂 we all have that thing that draws us in. So this person was just interesting and I was so looking forward to learning and having all of that brilliance rub off on me.

This whole while I decided who this person was off of what I had observed from a distance and on top of that adding to them all the qualities I thought would suit them, all the qualities I thought made them absolutely amazing in my eyes. Ofcourse all this blew up in my face because expectations and reality often don’t match and that’s just the way it is. The only person I know, really know is me, no one else. We all have our expectations and that’s fine but unless we let the person who you expect things of just what you expect so you’re on the same page. This is the way to minimize disappointment. This is the way to not be bitter. In the end, I found out that the person was nothing more than an average Joe. I wanted them to be brilliant, they didn’t share my vision and that’s okay.

Behold everyone expectation Vs reality. Was I disappointed?! Yes. But I learned too and now I know better so do I feel badly about it?! No. Not even a little.

The ECO 1020 challenge

I had a class this past semester that really challenged me. It was my ECO 1020 class. If I’m being honest I hated that class. Mostly because I didn’t understand the instructors teaching style. It was like being taught by a hippie. A hippie who came to class, talked about current events and foreign affairs for one and a half hours then left. Then semester things that were in the notes he posted on blackboard that he hadn’t covered.

I did so poorly in my midterm because previously I had gone through amazing instructors who taught and tested on what they taught. That is what I’m used to but that is a comfort zone of sorts, or is it just me who thinks so?! I love it when an instructor makes the learning process easy for me, but once in a while I will have an instructor who won’t make things easy for me, they will challenge me, they will give me a hard time. They will force me to edit my comfort zone. They will question the kind of student I am. They will force me to ask myself what kind of student I’m I really?!

I have always taken pride in the fact that I am a good student. I am a diligent student. Until I get an instructor who sets the bar higher. I hated it at the time because I don’t like mediocre grades. In hind sight though I am grateful for that class. I am grateful for the class and I am grateful for the instructor. He assumed that we are all diligent student students. He assumed we are all good students, he assumed we all read our notes. That was a valuable lesson and for that I’m grateful. I am better for it. I was pouty at the time but I’m a better study t for it.

What’s my point?! My point is that challenges exist to make us better. They come and sharpen us of we let them. If we can be bigger than our feelings, if we can step aside and look at it from a logical point of view. Look at every situation and ask yourself, what’s in this for me?!

Why can’t someone else do it😒?! (Part 1)

Are you here with the solution or are you part of the problem?!

I was having a conversation with myself this morning as I was making my cup of mocha and this is important because the coco can, the plastic one I’m sure you’re all familiar with I felt as though it was talking to me. I don’t know how many of you have a conscience, I used to believe everyone had one but then if that were the case then people who litter would not exist. But they do. So obviously not everyone has a conscience.
Well of late mine has been Irking me, Irking at me hard and without resilience so I have to shade email these thoughts with my beloved readers. I have a question for you, all of you, how many of you are aware about global warming?! I would assume most of you if not all of you right?! Well what are you doing about it?! Are you doing anything to remedy the situation?! There is this quote that used to hang on our wall, it always made me laugh when I was little but as I got older it became less and less funny to me, instead it made me think. I’m thinking I have mentioned it in another one of my articles but I’m not 100% sure it was in this blog site or my other one. The quote went “Are you here with the solution or are you part of the problem?!”
That might very well be my favorite quote. Not just because it can be applied to a plethora of situations but also because it causes an inward evaluation of character. Well speaking for myself at least. What kind of person I’m I?! What kind of person are you?! Are you with the complaining and whining team or are you with the problem solving team?! You can’t just answer for the heck of it, you must have supporting evidence. If you are with the supporting team then you are doing something or a number of things to remedy the situation and the people around you can speak to this as well, but if no one can corroborate your view of yourself then you’re obviously playing for the other team.

Good friends

“They might not always be there for you when you want them, but they will always be there for you when you need them. Always. “

You know my favorite thing about growing up is growing up. I love how it feels to know better and not kick myself when I’m down. That was a side note. Today, we are talking about friends and how to distinguish the good ones from the other ones who are in the regular pile. We all know what friends are right?! But what makes a friend a good friend?!
A good friend is supportive but at the same time a good friend will challenge you. I think to me this is the most important aspect of a friendship. Having people around who challenge me, not just regular people, people I call friends. Your friends should challenge you to be better because that’s what good friends do. They keep moving the goal post for you if you won’t move it for yourself. This is where I think guys fall short because guys don’t want to be challenged, they want to be comfortable. But in truth and without bias we all want to be comfortable, a lot of the time we don’t have it I ourselves to push the boundaries of comfort and mediocrity. This is where the good friend comes in. They know you, they see the problem and they come to help.
A good friend is there when you need them. You need to realize that your friends are human beings, they aren’t part human and part psychic. Don’t expect them to read your mind. If you need them let them know. A good friend might not always be there when you want them but they will always, always be there when you need them. Remember that.
A good friend will tell you when you are wrong. This is needed. Not only that but is super important. Life is a series of choices. Everything is a choice. The most important thing you can have is someone who can help you through some of those choices especially when you are making the wrong one. This is very important. A good friend is not afraid to not be on the same page as you because they know that your relationship is built on a solid foundation.
A good friend has your best interest at heart. In all honesty this one needs no explanation. They have your best interest at heart period! They want what’s best for you even though it might not be the best thing for them. And before this is taken out of context let me give an example. The other day my best friend told me that she has an opportunity to leave school for a semester to work and this would mean that I won’t be able to see her at school anymore but I told her to take it anyway because that opportunity might be the only one for a while and I wouldn’t want her to miss it for anything.

 

 

 

PS: To all my new followers, Thank you and welcome to the family. All my love.

Time out

A few weeks ago I had a flood of thoughts at midnight, I call them my midnight  thoughts, lol how profound. Anyway I put up one of them on my WhatsApp status and it went something like “sometimes being on the bench is the best place to be, you get to watch other players make their mistakes and learn from them so that when you finally leave the bench, you know exactly how to win”. Well it went something like that, give or take a word or two reason this came to mind is because I had decided it was a good idea for me to take a break from relationships, romantic relationships that is because I realised that I was dating the same person, different face and body but the same person nevertheless.

First of all, it wasn’t until I took a step back from it all that I was able to see the pattern so already some space was giving me clarity,  and clarity was much needed. The funny thing is that in all those past relationships, I was the common denominator so there is no one to be mad at but me. I got myself into those relationships and no matter what went down, I am at fault for being there if nothing else.

Something else I realised is how much of myself is lost when I was with someone else you know, because I get so involved and somehow the relationship Swallows me whole. So I decided to just be me, to relearn myself/ to date me for a little while and work on myself. I think we all need this from time to time. I have to say, I am so much happier. I am able to tell who adds joy to my life and who brings negativity and/or takes away from me instead of adding to me. It’s become irrefutably clear. I am all round happier and better; Even while I struggle with my time management I am better off. Which ofcourse is scary because now I’m totally gun shy. I don’t want to add anyone to my bubble so that they come with their stuff, their issues and drama that I’m just now done cleansing myself of. Lol why does everything in life have to be a double edged sword?!

Regardless of all of that, I needed this and if you can relate with any of this then you probably need a break too.

Just like Alice

You know I’ve been feeling like Alice recently, hoping that you guys have watched Alice in Wonderland the cartoon otherwise my reference won’t make any sense at all. Did you notice how she gives herself the best advise and then never follows it?! 😂I’m I the only one who relates with that?! Because I give myself excellent advice, I call a meeting, me and myself attend, we agree on changes we are going to make to be better and then we just never follow any of it😂😂😂 or we do, you know for two days and then we are right back to mediocre behavior I even spoke to my mom about this a while back because it was driving me crazy and if you can’t tell it obviously still is. It bothers me because mediocrity bothers me. All my mom had to say was that I’m too hard on myself… maybe… or maybe I need to tighten the reigns. Our personalities are different here’s and mine so we obviously can’t agree on all things. But first console me, at least tell me I’m not the only one.
I woke up last night to workout because I had promised myself I would. It had gotten to that point where I had to plead with myself because not having worked out would be to not keep a commitment to myself and jeez a little loyalty and follow through is needed, because if I can’t keep a commitment to myself then surely I can’t keep a commitment to any e and that would make me unreliable, undependable, in short all the things that I do NOT want to be associated with. Change is needed. Not the kind that lasts a day then I’m back to bullshitting, the kind that makes it a habit, the kind that makes me a role model. When I was done with my workout something came to me, a voice actually. The voice said that if I did everything I needed to do at the time the thing needed to be done then I would find that I have time to do everything I need to do. If that isn’t the most profound thing I have ever heard; then nothing is. Chew on that and enjoy the rest of your day.

Room for God

“Let God be God, give him room.”

In this day and age I’d say every body is scrambling to be someone, we are all so busy doing whatever occupies our time and it got me thinking about a blog I follow called “finding God in messy places” (y’all should check it out by the way). What drew me to the blog was the title, I’m an analyst I like to analyse everything that sparks my interest or anything that intrigues me and this particular blog title did. It made me think about my life it made me think about God and the kind of relationship I have with him.

Naturally any spiritual person just wants to get closer to God that’s the goal everyday, to feel him more in life. But anyone can want things. And wants g something and actually making it happen are two very very different things. We all want God to lean into our lives more but what are you doing about it?! What I’m I doing about it?! Something else that may have definitely contributed to this is a quote I read sometime not too long ago that read “if you want God to open the door let go of the handle” damn does that sound as profoundly to you as it does to me?! Because to me it was like an aha moment, that so many times we pray to God for things and for this and that and for situations we are struggling with  and then what do we do?! We leave him no room to do his job. That’s the point of this whole post. Where is room for God in your life?! Does he have any room or are you playing your role and his?! I’ll give you an example of giving God no room, this is what happens, you ask God for a husband and then you go ahead and marry the wrong guy, like what the hell?! Then will you go ahead and say that God didn’t listen?! That God doesn’t answer prayers because he does, always and forever but if you are going to go to him you need two things.

1. Be patient and

2. Get the hell out of the way.

Let God be God. Let him love you, let him take care of you. Let him be God. Give him room.

Training

I know what I’m training for, do you?!

I started writing this piece then somehow my thought process went right off the rails and I had to start over. I realized that my opinion was too biased and I’m not here to play “mom”  to any of my readers. I don’t exist here to tell you what to do so I had to do this piece over.

What does training mean?! Take your time… I’ll wait. Good we all on the same page now, great! So a lot of people from school have been commenting on how I dress now, they say it’s so official and sophisticated and in truth, yes it is all of that, but why is the question. I’m I working? Yes. And we all are. Some of us just take it more seriously than others. Most students don’t realize that college is a training ground. We are all being trained to be a certain person. I’ll give you an example, say you want to be a business consultant, that dream doesn’t start when you graduate, It starts when you decided that your time in campus and your tuition is a seed and what you want to saw from it is business consulting. Now, who do you want to be in the firm?! Are you a partner?  Are you a clerk? Are you in the mail room or are you the Director?! Whatever your answer was is what you are training for.

Every day that’s who or what you are training for. Directors don’t become directors on the day they are appointed, no no no, they become Directors when they’re still in school they know exactly where they are going, they know all their goals and they know just how to make it happen. They look like directors even now, their suits may not be Armani but they are still in a suit, they are precise, they get the job done, they are always ahead of schedule and they don’t have time for excuses. Does it sound like a lot of work?! Of course, it does! If it was easy everyone could do it, but not everyone can and not everyone who starts succeeds because the top is not meant for everyone. It’s meant for the few who are willing to go the distance. It’s meant for the few who know just what is at stake and are able to take advantage of every opportunity. Those are the CEOs and the Directors.

My point being, in this world there is only two things and I know someone may contradict me on this and I hope you do (in the comment section below) but the way I see it there is only winners and losers. People who always know what they are training for and people who don’t have a clue. Nothing in between. Now understand that winning means something different for every individual, but all in all there are only two teams and I know what team I’m playing for do you?!

What about your dreams?!

“if you don’t spend your time working on your dream, you’ll be paid to work on someone else’s dream.”

Something has recently been brought to my attention, it was a quote actually. It read if you don’t spend your time working on your dream you’ll spend it working for someone else’s dream. The reason why the quote called to me is because I’m a freelancer I write for a living, I write for people’s blogs and magazines and websites which is good I mean we all have to work for a living but I haven’t had a second to even check whether or not my blog is still alive and hence the quote. It’s almost like it was meant just for me as I’m sure someone else will feel as though the quote was just for them. I love what I do as I’m sure some of you also do but I don’t want to forget that I have dreams of my own too.

I think we often get lost in other people’s dreams because the part that needs us is something we love to do. I write and I love writing and because it’s what I do for a living at the time I forget that all this is for someone else’s benefit it’s so that their dream flourishes, blossoms, and what about my dream?! What about your dream?! I’m I the only one who feels like this or have ever felt like this atleast once?! Perhaps. Perhaps not. But if you have the least you could do is like this article :).

I am so grateful for that quote because it asked me a question; Do you remember that you also have dreams, life goals?! And it’s almost as though I had forgotten or else I wouldn’t need to be reminded. I think you may have forgotten to so this is a reminder to you. Don’t sleep on tour dreams and spend all your juice working on someone else’s because you’ll wake up and realise you’re all out of juice. Are you still with me?! Are you paying attention?!

Love is overrated.

“Keep in mind that in this day and age no one will write about you having the greatest relationship. They already did a couple of centuries ago about two morons who both wound up dead, remember that?”

I was having a discussion with my child the other day. Not my real child, my metaphorical child and she is just as brilliant as her metaphorical mom. She and I have been obsessively watching Grey’s Anatomy, well she recommended it to me and I fell in love hard with the show. From this very brilliant show is where our conversation started from. She quoted something that at the time made absolutely no sense to me because I just wasn’t in that space so I told her to explain it to me and when she did it was like multiple sirens went off in my head and vibrated throughout my entire body. It was just such an “aha” moment I had to pause and catch my breath before I ofcourse decided that it was brilliant and must go up on my blog immediately.

This is why it’s important we think about the friends we keep because they are the people who help us grow, but only when we choose people who are sharp, people who live to challenge us and the way we think anyway I digress. The quote that got both our attention was Meredith’s mother telling her that anyone can fall hopelessly in love but not everyone can make an outstanding, phenomenal surgeon. Every surgeon can’t be the best, you have to choose to be the best. It’s something you have to fight for, you have to work for, you have to sacrifice for; you have to earn it.

The reason why that caught my attention is that like Meredith some of us, if not most of us are so focused on finding love any kind of love really, it could be the short and sweet kind, it could be the kind that eats you whole and owns you until the day you die, either way, we are all looking for it and maybe it’s time we all had a reality check.

Love doesn’t pay the bills, it doesn’t keep the lights on or gas the car or keep the water in the taps running. And like Meredith’s mom said, anyone can fall in love, you just have to let yourself but there is passion in other things, it can be found if you really want to make something of yourself, there is more than one way to make your life count. This whole piece sounds like I put my friend’s brain and mine together and this is what we came up with and it comes off as a little sharp but I am okay with that, Sharp has always been my style. Keep in mind that in this day and age no one will write about you having the greatest relationship. They already did a couple of centuries ago about two morons who both wound up dead, remember that? That was enough.

There are so many things I want us to talk about, this is just the beginning. Some of you may agree and some of you may disagree and that’s fine. Most of life I have learned is subjective, not objective, value over fact so it’s okay to agree to disagree sometimes. Be that as it may, my point is simple. At the end of the day, you could chase this love until the day you die and find you were chasing the wind or you can focus on who you are and what you do and make sure that you give your all where it counts. You can’t find love, it finds you and if it never does just remember that love is overrated and even if it isn’t, keep saying it to yourself and someday you might actually believe it.