HOW CONFLICT CAN BE A GOOD THING

So a while back I wrote an article on conflict and resolution and I promised that I would write about how conflict can, in fact, be a good thing. I know that there is prevailing bullshit that happy couples don’t fight but rest assured that even the happiest couples have conflicting opinions once in a while and it is needed, it is necessary, it is healthy. Conflicting means that the two of you have conflicting opinions once in a while and that’s okay, that’s totally okay, it doesn’t mean anything other than in that one instance you guys have different opinions. So in that same breath, I will have to explain why I think conflict can be good for a couple.

  • Conflict inspires growth. How though? I am so glad you asked. When a couple has a fight over pretty much anything, and they are able to solve the dispute amicably then you and your partner have to grow. And what is growth in this instance? Progress, from one point to another and isn’t that the point? To be able to move forward.
  • Conflict also inspires relationship Satisfaction. You are able to fight over the things that make you unhappy and find a way to make them not as annoying or as irritating to you. Fighting or voicing your grievances allows you to let your partner know exactly what you want, exactly what they can do to make you happy or happier, it’s important, see my point?
  • What is a relationship without boundaries? Boundaries are needed they practically deserve their own star on the walk of fame. Boundaries only come through conflict and if you never fight then how will the other person know what they can and can’t do, how will they know where the line is? This is important. It’s very very important.
  • Conflict Reveals motive. You will never be able to tell what a person is really about or after if you never disagree on anything. Conflict reveals motive, because if he or she is about you, then a fight won’t chase them away, they will stay and you guys will work it out but if they are out to waste your time then the fight will be completely unproductive.
  • Conflict inspires Self-disclosure, you find yourself explaining why something pisses you off so much and your partner gets to know you better. Some of the time you find that the thing that pisses you off, pisses you off cause of something so much deeper than you thought and it turns out to be a bonding moment instead of a bashing moment for you and your partner.
  • Conflict inspires self-disclosure which in turn inspires Intimacy. Talking about the real reason behind things, revealing things that are deeper than the surface will bring you and your partner closer together. He will understand you better, or she will understand you better and because you were open and vulnerable with them they feel closer to you which is how people get intimate. This I how people become friends, more of it will make you best friends, now you know how that goes.

Okay, so what have we learned here? Conflict isn’t the red, large horned, long-tailed devil it is made out to be. Conflict is good conflict is necessary. Conflict allows us to grow in our relationships, it allows us to self-disclose, it allows us to set boundaries and it reveals the other person’s motives but above all, it gets us closer together it makes us get intimate, now who doesn’t want that? I know I do!

 

I hope you learned something here today, I hope you hit that like button big time and share this with your friends. Bisou bisou💋💋💋.

 

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OLDER GUYS VS MATURE GUYS

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The battle for the ages for some girls, for most girls I would say. This is something I have been battling for quite some time now. For the longest time I have wanted to date and eventually marry an older guy, and when I say older I don’t mean three or four year difference more like seven to ten years difference. For the longest time, it was something I was obsessed over. My Nana and granddad have nine years between them and I love that because my granddad was always ahead, so when it comes to his leadership role in the house it just went without saying, his ideas were more diplomatic and he was always way more reasonable than my Nana. And of course, I wanted that for myself.

What I didn’t know is that just because that’s how it turned out for my Nana doesn’t mean that it’s how it will turn out for me. I have tried to date a bunch of older guys. Some of them were great! Absolutely amazing but it didn’t work out because of various reasons but the other half was an absolute menace. It was like a trip to the Zoo; it was a bunch of miscreants who turned out to be a waste of my time and energy. Although I don’t regret any of them because they were an invaluable lesson for me, I mean was it not for them I wouldn’t be writing this right now.

I decided to write this piece when  I saw a video on YouTube about it, a lady was talking about how much she like older men, and it just got me thinking about the experience I have had with them. Now look if you are dating an older guy and he is just right for you, this is not an attack, all I’m trying to say is that not all guys that are older than you are necessarily more mature than you. As a matter of fact, the guy I dumped on 31st was a very very good example of a boy trapped in a man’s body. That was just sad_ broke my heart, not really… but it did sadden me that some girl will be impressed by him… “Sigh”.

I think that we have the two mixed up and it is time for a distinction. Older guys need to stop walking around with a title they don’t deserve. The title ‘Mature’ must be earned, we don’t just hand them out like sandwiches at a picnic. What is a mature guy? Or maybe it should be what makes a mature guy? Let’s go over a few things real quick; Does he walk out on a disagreement?

He’s not scared to have a real conversation, like what happened between him and his Ex? Does he have any baggage from previous relationships? What is he looking for in his next relationship? What kind of a relationship does he have with his parents? Would he walk out on a girl he got pregnant?… and so on… All I’m saying is that a mature man should be able to stomach a real conversation, relationships aren’t just about small talk and PDA; shit gets real!!!

Can you talk about something other than your favorite food and hobbies? Can you talk about Art or Architecture or Music or Politics? He has to be passionate about something aside from MAN U. Does he call if he is running late? Does he ask you out in person?

Does he look surprised that you have cellulite and stretch marks or love handles or a tummy or scars from accidents or chicken pox; because a guy that has a stupid look on his face at the site of a slight imperfection is just stupid and is a child. He has no business dating a woman. Can he follow simple instructions? Does he know what to bring when he comes to see you at your mom’s house? Or does he come empty-handed looking like a complete moron? Does he always pick up the bill? When you’re going out with a guy for a meal, any guy you should never ever have to reach out for your purse cause [1] You look stupid and [2] It is his job as a man, and if he doesn’t he is a boy and you should not be with him in the first place.

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In conclusion older doesn’t necessarily mean mature, you could have a 14 year, 27 year old in your hands, what the fudge do you do with that? Ask yourself the questions I have listed above, they are few but effective. It’s entirely up to you to come up with more. You must vet these men, don’t end up with a loser by choice, you have the option to have the best or well better than your average 28-year-old teenager.

 

Thanks for dropping by, please like and share❤❤❤.

 

THE OPPOSITE SEX BESTFRIEND

In all honesty, I can’t say that I have an experience with this. But I must say; from the little drama, I have seen I thank God that I haven’t had to deal with this. I only say this because I know that this is a real issue!!!

One of the main reasons why I love my cousins so much is that [1] They are guys so I get a lot of the male perspective on a lot of things and that [2] They are all straight, so they can actually be of help to my blog. Anyway, the reason why I brought this up is because thanks to one of my cousins who I don’t know whether to accredit or not this month we get to talk about this and Fellatio[blow jobs] so stay tuned for that.

He said that there was this girl he liked but he can’t date her because she has a male best friend. At the time I thought he was being narcissistic. But after a while, I got to think about it without him around and I was like well maybe he was onto to something. Mr. I’m so confident feeling insecure about this, there had to be something there. So let’s look at the best friend role with a magnification lens, shall we?

What is the role of a best friend? Well, let’s take a look at me and my best-friend. She is always there for me, she knows my entire family, even the in-laws that have married into it and the babies that have recently joined the family. My family adores her and consider her one of us. She has seen me on my good days and very very bad days, she has taken care of me when I was sick, she complements me even when I have put on a little weight, she has loved me through all my boyfriends, she knows what makes me mad and what makes me happy. But most importantly she always knows what to say. That’s what I love about her the most. Just following this short paragraph sounds like this best-friend and I should get married right?!

You see that’s the thing with best friends, they are people we are in love with each other. Yes, I said it, friends like these we are constantly falling in and out of love with each other and that’s what makes this such a tightrope. How many times have I wished for my BFF to just turn into a guy and we can just elope? I hope the problem is becoming clearer and clearer. But, regardless of all this, I wouldn’t ditch my BFF so that some nigga’s ego can feel good. Fudge him and his ego!!! But you must weigh the situation for yourself. Is this guy worth you creating boundaries between you and your best friend? Is your girl-friend worth you telling your best-friend to take a back seat? I won’t even lie, it is a slippery slope for all involved because if you create boundaries between you and your best-friend things will never be the same again. And please keep in mind that part of what makes you and your BFF so close is that there are no boundaries. All I’m saying is, it really comes down to this best-friend you have, are they worth it?

 

As for me, I love my BFF to death, she is worth my kidney, liver and everything else. I don’t care how often she and I talk. In my prayers, I remember to ask God that in another life one of us is a dude and the other a chic so we get married. She is that amazing and no guy can compete… But you know… It doesn’t hurt to try. 😉

 

 

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

The problem people is that we are corner cutters. That is the problem. No one wants to do things the right way anymore, no one cares about protocol or process.

See that doubtful look on your face… well allow me to remove that doubt, let’s look at a few examples, shall we? We want to lose weight without exercise, we want to know a Story instead of reading the book we wait for the movie, we want a happy marriage but we are all over the place fornicating and yet we ask for Gods favor in finding a husband or a wife. We want good grades but we don’t want to study, we would rather cheat instead, we want to take drugs but we aren’t ready for the consequences. We want to have bodies free from STIs yet we are first in line to have unprotected sex. We want to go up the professional ladders but instead of working for it we sleep with the boss, yet we say we want to be respected. You want to be treated like a lady but you make the word HOE look bad. All your pictures on social media are of you half naked, you want a marriage where your husband will be faithful but yet you’re sleeping and living off other people’s husbands. Well let me just tell you right now my dear he will cheat on you left, right and center even when you have that 30,000/-ksh weave on your head even if you are a size Beyoncé or whatever, he will cheat because everything goes full circle. You steal and wreck someone’s home but just you remember that when you’re 40 there will be a 20 year old somewhere who looks way better than you ever did at 20 who will set her eyes on your husband, and while I would love to go into the details of what would go down, I’m certain you can already play out the whole scene in your mind.

We have people all over the internet saying that we are being brainwashed, isn’t it time we stopped and listened? The best mind controllers are the ones who give you the illusion that you are still in control. The funny thing is that so many people don’t realize it, of course, they don’t. Without God’s discernment, how can you tell your right hand from the left one? [Easy internet trolls that was a metaphor].

How are we being brainwashed you ask? Mh, let’s look at that briefly shall we? Do you think it’s okay to have sex before marriage? Of course you do, and why is that? Well all the Kardashian do it and we see it all day in movies and on TV, and even on radio they tell us that if we do not succumb and have sex with our boyfriends they will cheat on us, and they will leave us, and you know… we won’t be cool and current or trendy. Do you think that it’s okay to take drugs? Of course you do, all celebrities do it right in front of us, and it looks like even their government is cool with it, so it’s obviously okay to put our bodies in harm’s way. Definitely okay for us to tattoo and pierce the temple of God, and fornicate in his temple and violate it in all other ways right? God must be so pleased by how we revel in the filth that Satan has laid before us. He must be so pleased that he sent us a plague called HIV, he was so pleased that there is now HPV, which by the way is not easily detectable in the blood. He is so pleased that he blessed us with cancer that causes our loved ones to live in unimaginable pain all the days of their lives. He is so pleased that global warming is consuming us, He is so pleased that we have floods that wash entire shore line’s away, He is so pleased that he sends us tsunamis and hurricanes, He is so pleased that he has left us at the mercy of Satan[who by the way came to cheat steal and destroy us].

We are either blind or incredibly stupid, or both, …yes most of us are both, we are told that there is no way that you can be happy if you don’t have a 6-figure salary, there is just no way that your husband can just love you and desire you and just stay with you, he needs a wife, a mistress, a girlfriend and a baby momma for his life to be complete. Isn’t that what they tell us, and don’t we eat that junk right off of the palms of their hands? They tell boys that it is okay to wear your trousers around your knees, no one cares for the waist anymore.

This is the truth, we are corner cutters and that is why we are so unhappy. Even when you make it in life, you die at 35; no time to enjoy what you’ve worked for. All that money you will have clawed your way up the ladder for, all that money that caused you to lose friends and get de touched from your relatives, all that money, if you wrote a will well good for you but otherwise, it will just be absorbed by the bank after a few years. So thank you for losing your soul in the name of Barclays or KCB or whatever. Are you feeling foolish yet?! If not give it a day or two. The thing with the truth is that you can’t hide from it. It will reveal itself to you, sooner or later and after all, at the end of the day a man will reap what he saws… what have you been planting?

 

Editor’s note: thanks to all my new readers you guys are getting to be so many… anyway I thank God for all of you.