“…invitation is not for family.”
As some of you may know it was my birthday not too long ago and I spent it with the most amazing human beings on earth. One of those humans just so happens to be one of the most amazing souls I have had the pleasure of meeting and she has continued to remind me that it’s not what people say, it’s what people do. Or rather it’s what people say then do that matters. This may be similar to my “shh show me” piece but I can’t help that. So we had such a good time and she said something to me that I found to be so profound. After she left, of course, I thanked her for coming because I was brought up well but also because coming to celebrate with me meant the world to me and do you know what she said? Can you guess? Don’t worry I’ll wait.
She said that I mustn’t thank her because family shows up for family, always.
I couldn’t have topped that if I tried. You see there are two kinds of family, there is the kind we are blessed with by God and the kind we choose for ourselves and even though we thank god for both, we all know that the most magical kind is the kind we choose but more importantly chooses us too. Someone I thought was my family didn’t show up and I wasn’t mad because if they had then I wouldn’t have known that she and I weren’t family but I know now and I am grateful for it because it’s important to know the truth. Where was I going with this?
Okay so here is my point, you will know your family because family shows up, always. They don’t wait for some invitation because invitation is not for family. And if you are lucky enough to have a family then it is your job to love them with everything you have and with everything you are because family is the only thing that lasts. I am so lucky and blessed and lucky and blessed. Yes so much so that I had to say it twice, I most certainly did. You are lucky too, so does your family know how important they are to you? Do they know you love them? Have you said it?
Lastly, this piece is a special tribute to all my family but especially my soulmate Mary Kalekye and my brother Wayne. It may not be all that creative but it is all that sincere, from the deepest part of my heart I love you, each one of you because my heart is big enough and it has enough love for all of you. So know this I will show up uninvited to celebrate all your triumphs with you and your birthdays and everything in between because that is what family does.
PS: The same applies to my blog family, if your birthday is coming up and there is no one to celebrate you, hit me up, I will celebrate you, send you a card present and everything because you are important to me.
“Scarlet like most girls was afflicted by a rather common disease, a disease I like to call wanting that guy who doesn’t want you.”
How many of you have seen gone with the wind? If you haven’t you ought to. It’s a great movie, a classic actually but most things are subject to opinion. Anyhow my favorite character is Scarlet as you will find most girl’s favorite character is and the reason I admire her so is that she represents most girls in the world and I find that incredibly fascinating. Scarlet like most girls was afflicted by a rather common disease, a disease I like to call wanting that guy who doesn’t want you. That my friends is also called stupidity, and we all suffer from it from time to time.
The long and the short is that Scarlet had Rhett Butler, a good man who loved her with all his heart, was patient with her and loved her for exactly who she was while she was pining over some guy called Ashley and all the while Ashley was completely in love with his cousin Melanie something. Okay first stop judging back in the day people married their cousins to keep the breeding in the family, anyhow this story isn’t about them, it’s about the girl folk. One would think that something like this has been discussed to death but that just isn’t the case and say that it is, people are still pining over the guy that just doesn’t give a f*** so something isn’t right still. Truth is I wasn’t going to write about this until I heard a line that suddenly echoed in my mind, a line, of course, said by Rhett. He said to scarlet and I quote “You know I feel sorry for you scarlet, I feel sorry for you because you are throwing happiness away with both hands and chasing after something that will never make you happy. If Ashley was free and you would be with him do you think he would make you happy? You would never know him.”
Truth is that most of us have an Ashley and most of us have a Rhett and this is what I have to say to all of you and I would like to think we are family here so I can be harsh and you will know that I say all this with love. Don’t be foolish, choose yourself ladies and gentlemen who also like gentlemen. Choosing your Rhett is choosing yourself. Choosing someone who wants you and loves you for who you are is choosing yourself. For some of you loving yourself has become automatic but for those of you who don’t know where to start, you can start by saying an affirmation every day as many times as you like “I love you *say your name*. That’s all you have to do to get started. Say that over and over again and if that’s not enough pray about it. Ask God for help, after all, he is the source of all the love in the world, so if there is someone who can help, I assure you God is the proper person for the job.
At the end of the day I find my message is always the same, you have to be selfish with yourself. Love yourself fiercely love yourself so much that someone would have to love you with fire and brimstone to get you to take note. It’s hard but it’s the only way, either that or you will always get a raw deal and that will be the best thing you will ever get because no one will love you if you don’t love yourself.
if you can’t show the people you love that you love them, then it’s safer for everyone that you stay alone.
This I’d say is one of the hardest part of any relationship. I think anyone can say they love or they care about you or any other number of sweet nothings but who can actually show you? Saying you love someone and showing someone is not the same thing. Understand that I’m not talking to the victim here I’m talking to everyone who can tell another person they love them. It’s not about what the other person can do for you, it’s about what you can do for them.
I think that’s what’s wrong with relationships. Everyone goes into it thinking about themselves and their needs and then when the thing goes up in smoke they wonder why. Silly isn’t it?! Perhaps not. Ask yourself a simple question if you’re in a relationship, what have you done for your partner?! And I don’t mean that thing you do to show them that you can do something for them, I mean doing something because you want to. Just because you want to and because they are special and important you. Have you done anything for someone other than yourself?! No?! Then stop expecting something from your partner. You only get what you give so if all you give is nothing then expect lots of nothing in return.
You want a good relationship give more. And I know most of you are incredibly shallow so let me make this clear I don’t mean money. Giving doesn’t have to be monetary, this is not a fundraiser. I mean give of yourself. If you are lucky enough to have someone wonderful at your side, show them how important they are to you, how much you appreciate them and in a way they understand. Understand your partner’s love language. If this is so thing you can’t do then stay alone. You’re probably doing everyone a favour being by yourself, I assure you.
As I celebrate the end of one year and the start of another I can’t help being grateful. This past year has been absolutely remarkable. I gained and lost but in the grand scheme of things I won, I came out on top so I can’t help but be grateful.
This past year I got good grades I met new people and I watched myself grow more than I ever have. I struggled with things that are fashioned to make me better and I’m still struggling but that only adds to the charm and the beauty of growing up. I experienced new things and enjoyed my two little sisters, watching them grow and enjoying the role they play in my life. Enjoying the great responsibility of being a Sistermommy which is the greatest honour. This year it’s like my eyes were opened to the beauty of life and the role of everything and everyone. I love the dimension the people in my life give my life and I am grateful for it all. I appreciate how small I am in the grand scheme of things because it allows me to see and appreciate the little things that make life worth living.
I am grateful for the food and the bad and I look forward to this new year.
Summer semester was interesting and eventful. For me anyway. And for those of you who think I’m pretentious for calling it summer semester and that’s fine, you can think whatever you want 🙂 anywho, I met someone someone who I thought was interesting and brilliant and just all round amazing. And honestly I was in awe because for me academic brilliance is nothing short of a turn on. Don’t judge me😂 we all have that thing that draws us in. So this person was just interesting and I was so looking forward to learning and having all of that brilliance rub off on me.
This whole while I decided who this person was off of what I had observed from a distance and on top of that adding to them all the qualities I thought would suit them, all the qualities I thought made them absolutely amazing in my eyes. Ofcourse all this blew up in my face because expectations and reality often don’t match and that’s just the way it is. The only person I know, really know is me, no one else. We all have our expectations and that’s fine but unless we let the person who you expect things of just what you expect so you’re on the same page. This is the way to minimize disappointment. This is the way to not be bitter. In the end, I found out that the person was nothing more than an average Joe. I wanted them to be brilliant, they didn’t share my vision and that’s okay.
Behold everyone expectation Vs reality. Was I disappointed?! Yes. But I learned too and now I know better so do I feel badly about it?! No. Not even a little.
I had a class this past semester that really challenged me. It was my ECO 1020 class. If I’m being honest I hated that class. Mostly because I didn’t understand the instructors teaching style. It was like being taught by a hippie. A hippie who came to class, talked about current events and foreign affairs for one and a half hours then left. Then semester things that were in the notes he posted on blackboard that he hadn’t covered.
I did so poorly in my midterm because previously I had gone through amazing instructors who taught and tested on what they taught. That is what I’m used to but that is a comfort zone of sorts, or is it just me who thinks so?! I love it when an instructor makes the learning process easy for me, but once in a while I will have an instructor who won’t make things easy for me, they will challenge me, they will give me a hard time. They will force me to edit my comfort zone. They will question the kind of student I am. They will force me to ask myself what kind of student I’m I really?!
I have always taken pride in the fact that I am a good student. I am a diligent student. Until I get an instructor who sets the bar higher. I hated it at the time because I don’t like mediocre grades. In hind sight though I am grateful for that class. I am grateful for the class and I am grateful for the instructor. He assumed that we are all diligent student students. He assumed we are all good students, he assumed we all read our notes. That was a valuable lesson and for that I’m grateful. I am better for it. I was pouty at the time but I’m a better study t for it.
What’s my point?! My point is that challenges exist to make us better. They come and sharpen us of we let them. If we can be bigger than our feelings, if we can step aside and look at it from a logical point of view. Look at every situation and ask yourself, what’s in this for me?!