Love understands

This isn’t something I planned on writing on this particular blog unlike my other blog [fabgalaxy.wordpress.com] in which romantic relationships were the lifeblood and the backbone. But I was talking to my friend the other day and it got me thinking because it was a situation even I could relate with even though I’m not currently in a romantic relationship.

So a little back story, my friend has recently met someone new and she has just been through so much that she has become somewhat paranoid. She is so scared of letting herself be happy even just for a second because she feels like if she did that, everything would be blown to hell and the saddest thing about all this is that I understand as I’m sure many others do and because of this I simply had to write about it because I know better.

For the longest time, I used to think that love as the warm fuzzies and all that but I was wrong. I don’t know what that is but it certainly isn’t love. It certainly isn’t love. And if you choose to view that as love then I am fairly certain you will go on being disappointed by it. The kind of love that is marketed to us everywhere we look is the captioned type. The kind where people are posing in a moment when they look perfectly happy, perfectly in love and that’s why we have all become so foolish. It is also why we are still single, myself included because we are all waiting for something perfect and yet we all know that perfect doesn’t exist.

It will never be perfect, make it work.

-life.

That is the best quote I have ever encountered and just perfect for this article. Love is choosing that person you want to be with and it’s choosing them over and over again. Love is saying no to people who want to ruin what you have. Love is fighting for your partner so that at the end of the day, it is not destiny or fate, it’s just you two having earned your love, having earned your happily ever after. And don’t worry, the one that’s worth fighting for will reveal itself to you. It will be as described in the book of Corinthians and it will understand that you’ve been hurt. It will understand that life is hard enough as it is. It will understand that you can’t go on hurting forever. Because love, real love understands.

At one point or another, we have all been hurt by someone we loved and that’s okay. It doesn’t make any of us unique or special, it just makes us human and so I will tell you what I told her. You can’t be a coward just because someone hurt you or betrayed your trust or because someone was too big a coward to commit. Life is short and you will die alone because you were too big a coward to open up to the love of your life and that would simply be too tragic. When you get someone or something that feels good, that’s not the time for you to wear your crazy cap and start following them and stalking them online, that’s the time for you to be open and honest and bask in the perfection of the moment and trust that love is not out to get you. Trust that love understands that you deserve to be happy too.

Advertisements

I’ll help you understand

“Hurt people, hurt people.”

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to encounter some people and I know I’m not the only who’s felt this at one point or another. I know we all feel this from time to time. I remember the first time I went to boarding school, I had such a hard time, and in all honesty, it would have been a whole lot easier if I had a better understanding of why people who inflict pain on others while completely unprovoked do so. Just a quick disclaimer I am no shrink or psychologist this is something I have observed all on my own and reflected upon after my experiences.

Isn’t the fact that humans are social beings a bitch?! Ensuring that all the setups are social, so we can’t live in complete isolation so from time to time you meet someone who’s just unpleasant to be around. Each time you see them they totally ruin your day and sometimes you try to avoid them and succeed and other days you just can’t get away from them, and truth is you can’t go around avoiding someone in a space that you are equally entitled to be in. It’s not right and it’s way too much work, no one has all that time. Therefore today we shall look into all this and try to get to the bottom of it to make your life easier. To make all our lives easier.

It’s simple really, hurt people hurt people. Happy people just don’t go around inflicting pain. And that is a fact. I consider myself to be considerably happy and when I see my mom after a long day the first thing I do is give her a big hug and ask her how her day was so I know that happy people spread positive energy because even though she didn’t have the best day, she can tell me about it and the fact that someone took time to ask about how she faired, gets her to feel loved and cared for and that’s what happy people do. Therefore logic dictates that the opposite is also true. We are not here to add to the problem, we have already gotten down to the problem now let’s come up with solutions.

There are only two ways to go about this and avoiding is not one of them. Here we don’t dance around problems, we face them head on and try to crush the ones that we can and the ones that we can’t we accept while we look for possible solutions. So option one; you could tell this person how unpleasant they are. Yes, I said it. Don’t make that face, my Council is sound and more importantly effective. I know that very few people are straight shooters and that’s probably why so many people are unhappy. You have to guard your happiness. You have to guard it fiercely. It’s yours and at the end of the day, your body is your home, and when someone disturbs your peace they make your body a very uncomfortable place to live and that’s how we get sick by the way so don’t be bullied in your own home. Just tell the person straight up and try to be gentle but make sure your point comes across crystal clear. The second approach is quarantine. Haha sounds extreme, doesn’t it?! But it’s seriously effective I guarantee it. You just tell someone they are unpleasant and that they will do well to stay away from you. That’s it. That’s all you have to do. No rocket science, it’s simple for all parties involved to understand.

Keep in mind that these conversations are never easy it hurts even when you get rid of people who annoy you, it might sting a little but you must be assertive and choose yourself and your happiness above all else every single time.

Looking for the rainbow 🌈.

I missed the bus today and the worst part about that is that I left the house in good time. This is probably the earliest time I’ve left the house for school all semester and I missed the bus all the same😭. I am devastated and I’m sure you can tell and if you can’t then(😭😭😭 there you go).  I had to take a cab and the cab driver decided he knows better than me. So despite spending extra money to try and get the bus before it leaves…  I still wound up missing it and for a while I just felt like screaming, I must admit I still feel like screaming until I realise that all that won’t do me any good and it will just disturb the peace. So instead what I’m I to do?!

I am to force myself to look at all the good that will come from this. I am to be grateful for whatever the universe was protecting me from. I am to believe that it was for a good cause. I am to believe that I otherwise wouldn’t have written this piece. I am to be reminded that writing is not just for me. All these things I have already experienced. I write for that other person that will be unable to look for the rainbow after a storm. Well that and more people got to see my outfit. I love what I’m wearing today 🙂 so that’s a bonus. I refuse to be stuck in the past. I am an advocate for moving forward. Staying in the past doesn’t do anyone any good and so I won’t and neither will you.

So all in all today is a good day. I still go to school. I still look amazing and most importantly I am still alive. Therefore I will make it count and be grateful for all the rainbows and who knows maybe even grab my boots and splash around😉.

How to be your best self.

“And ofcourse there will be people who will have something to say, let them. At the end of the day you’re the only one who knows where you’re going!”

It’s simple, stop being mediocre. That’s it you may now stop reading this article if you wish, but if you need further clarification, stick around. How do you imagine the Oxford dictionary defines the word mediocre?!… Can’t come up with anything huh?! It defines being mediocre as just average, not very good. I don’t know how comfortable you all are but when I think about that word and as a word that might be used to define me as a person it just makes my blood boil. I would imagine that even though we have different dreams and ambitions there are few things we have in common, such as always wanting to win and always wanting to be winners. But it’s not enough to want it. Anyone can want anything. But you have to understand that winning is not an event, it’s a lifestyle.

In this piece we’ll only look at five things. Just five and you’ll be winning even against your worst and most powerful enemy, YOURSELF. These five things are things we deal with on a daily basis:

  • Personal hygiene
  • Personal grooming
  • Personal style
  • Attitude
  • Personality.

I don’t know what goes through your mind when you come across these five things but one would think it’s a no brainer. Personal hygiene really?! Who wants to talk about that?! No one does and that’s the problem, we all want to assume that we are all on the same page and therefore that’s where the problem starts. So yes I’m going to talk about it. You have to take a shower before you leave the house to go anywhere that involves either a personal car or public transportation. Just take a shower please, for the sake of the people standing in front of you and behind you in the queue in the supermarket and for the sake of the person(s) seated next to you in the matatu. And ofcourse taking a shower goes hand in hand with brushing your teeth, I won’t even go into that. Just do it, you don’t have to like it but you do have to do it.

Personal grooming is like clipping your long dirty nails and getting your hair trimmed in a timely fashion if you keep your hair short that is and brushing your hair. Essentially these are things that just make you look neat and clean. You don’t have to wear designer clothes and what not, just work with what you have and make it look as presentable as you possibly can. If you have to wear a shirt, make sure it’s ironed; things like that. When you put effort into your appearance 1) People notice. Someone may not walk up to you and comment on it each time but they will notice it and 2) when you look good you feel good because it’s good for your self esteem.

Whether we like it or not, we are judged based on how we look and that is in no way fair or even commendable but that’s just the world we live in today. It is therefore crucial to pay very close attention to your personal style. I will use parisiens because when it comes to fashion they have and hopefully will always be front and centre. Now reason I am using them as an example is because they believe in quality over quantity each time. Few closet pieces of very high quality that you can keep for longer. A clean polished look will open so many doors for you, you’d be surprised.

Your attitude towards it all is in fact the most crucial part of it all. How you honestly feel about being better, not just being better but being your best self ever, that’s what’s going to make all the difference. When it’s genuine it shines through and through and when it’s not it’s completely transparent and you simply can’t keep it up. You’ll tire of trying to be this person who you feel deep down isn’t you, You’ll tire of pushing yourself despite failing several times, you’ll tire of giving 200% while others only give 50%, you’ll tire of looking amazing everyday while others wear pyjamas to class, you’ll tire of the effort and time that creating this new brand is taking away from you. So at the end of the day it starts inside. You have to want it, really want it to actually make it happen and for you to make it your brand.

Finally, your personality. Personally, I don’t like the people😂.  That’s just God’s truth, but I’m not an island and I can’t be and I simply can’t go around being mean to people because not liking the people in general is a me thing and therefore my problem and mine alone. I have no business spoiling someone’s day. My point here is you have to work on yourself everyday. Be warmer, Kinder, more generous, read more, meditate, exercise, eat better, sleep more. All these things make your body function better and therefore  make you an all round happier person. And give everything your best. That’s all you have to do, take care of yourself and give everything your best the first time around, I have nothing against second chances but we don’t always get those so the first time round, knock it right out of the park!

Apply these five simple things and there is just no way you’ll still be mediocre, there is just no way. And of course there will be people who will have something to say, let them. Just let all that negativity and mediocrity roll off your back and keep moving. That’s all you have to do. Just Keep moving forward.

How to win on tinder🔥

“Use Tinder, don’t let it use you.”

I’ve been on tinder on and off since I found out that it exists and each time I got frustrated I found it was because I was trying to use it for the wrong thing and this is not just a me thing. I think we have all been stung by frustration from trying to milk this hen that is tinder. I don’t expect that by now there would be someone reading this who is completely unfamiliar with tinder, but just to be sure, tinder is an app that was originally created to meet new people. Not to date them, not to find your next husband or wife but as a platform to socialize and get exposure through the same.

After having a conversation with my girlfriend last Tuesday I decided that perhaps someone ought to explain how to win this. If Tinder is a game, then these are the rules:

Don’t go there looking for love. Understand that tinder makes it only too easy to replace you as a girlfriend or boyfriend and therefore a substantial relationship is impossible. No one is going to bleed and beg and sweat for you when they know they can just dump you and 15 minutes later have someone they’re interested in and a prospective future partner. Do you see this visious cycle being created 😂?! This is why you don’t go on tinder looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Don’t look for anything substantial either. Aside from romantic entanglements don’t go there looking for best friends and what not. Friends are not made in this way unless they are the kind to befriend today and forget tomorrow. Loyalty can not/never be found like this. I stress this because the relationship I have with my best friend is more intimate than any other I’ve ever had even with people I have dated in the past and therefore I don’t expect that the same can be found by swiping right because friendships are hard and you know the old adage easy come easy go.

Don’t catch feelings. Please don’t go around catching feelings. It is not necessary and these people you don’t know are not worth even an ounce of your emotions. It is that simple. So you liked someone and they weren’t what you thought? Big deal! Just keep it moving. Trust me you’ll meet someone all round better, all round better!!! Trust me on that so no catching feelings.

Take what someone says at face value and only at that. Please, when you meet someone and they tell you they are just there for the sex and you stick around, it is on you!!! Don’t cry or pout about it, you made your fuckboy bed, you MUST therefore lie in it by yourself, in silence and humility. Don’t be stressing your girlfriends for no reason. He told you, he was honest with you from the start so NO, you are not allowed to pretend to be hurt. If someone says they are there just for the purpose which tinder was created which is to make friends and to socialize or to network, listen!!! Don’t be talking about how you like him or you like her but she’s not returning your feelings, keep those grievances to yourself.

And lastly remember all the rules. Meeting people on tinder is like engaging in a cutty buddy relationship. Just use it for what’s it’s intended. Make friends, socialize, learn about different cultures and professions, quench the loneliness and keep it moving. Use it to get exposure and network and make professional friends. Do the smart thing and create smart relationships that will benefit you. If you are a fuckboy, do your thing🙌 and if you are a good girl don’t be stupid, you are making good girls look bad😒.

Closing remarks. I know some of you will be like you met your boyfriend on tinder and you love him and you guys are happy and to that I’d say shut up! Come back when he proposes. And if he never does well then I told you so😏. And if he doesn’t then I humbly accept but like, what are the chances of that happening?! Tinder is a wonderful platform with an infinite number of benefits but ONLY  if you use it as it should be used. Don’t just take my word for it, try it, use the rules I have blessed you with and have a go at it for a month and let me know if Tinder is still frustrating you. Use tinder, don’t let it use you.

Instant gratification🔫💣💉💸🍻

“If you’re the eat-drink-and-be-merry type you’ll probably end up fat, miserable and alcoholic” ~Alfred Hitchcock

‘Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die’ and ‘All good things to those who wait’ are two of my favorite sayings in the English language and yet they are total opposites. I recently re-watched a video on YouTube from one of my favourite channels ‘wellcast’ that talked about patience and what it has to do with success. Naturally I didn’t want to watch it because I am generally not a patient person. Patience is something I have been working on over the years and also because Alfred Hitchcock said that if you are the eat-drink-and-be-merry type you’ll probably end up fat alcoholic and miserable.  I want us to look into patience/impatience and the impact it has on how well/poorly we do in life.

According to the video, there was a study carried out by Stanford University about forty years ago by one Walter Mischel. He offered a bunch of four year olds a marshmallow and told them that if they could wait fifteen minutes they would get a second marshmallow. Seventy percent of the children ate their marshmallows while only thirty percent were able to wait and get their second marshmallow. A decade and a half later, the subjects were called in for an interview and it was found out that the thirty percent that were able to wait did over all better in life, they got better test scores and we’re doing better in life and we’re even found to be happier than the Seventy percent that didn’t wait for the second marshmallow. It was concluded that delayed gratification is a marker for success in life.

For those of you that need a definition instant gratification is the now attitude, I want to get rich right now, I want to fornicate, I want to pass this test(even though you haven’t studied), I want to lose twenty pounds(even though you have poor eating habits and refuse to exercise), I want a bigger butt etc whatever it is you are struggling with. Instant gratification is not the way to go about it. People who are inclined towards instant gratification are people who cut corners and people who sell drugs and steal, people who get shots to enlarge body parts and take pills to lose weight and cheat on exams instead of studying. There is a pattern here, none of these things end well. You lose your freedom, die by mob or get burned, get sent to jail, you could wind up getting very ill from shots or contract some disease due to a negative reaction with whatever drug they use to enlarge body parts plus have you guys seen the side effects of that stuff, it’s scarier that all horror movies combined. You could get expelled from school, you generally lose your credibility, some of these things change the course of your life.

All in all I don’t see a happy ending. There is only one way to get the things you want, you want to be rich powerful and influential, network and work hard and smart. Be good at what you do and be nice to people. You want a bigger butt do some squats and adjust your diet, you want to lose weight, start working out and eating smaller portions. This is the right way to go about this. This is the winners way to go about things. That’s why the winners circle is so small, because everyone else has a loser/weakling mentality.

It’s the little things that differentiate winners and losers. And I’m not talking about the corner cutting losers who wind up dead and buried in an unmarked grave, I’m talking about the upstanding winners who make it through handwork and proper, clean channels that can be used to inspire people. I like to win and I like for the people around me to win too, and not by sleeping their way to the top or bribing your way into things, but by merit and by being the best at what you do. Because you are the person everyone needs to know because you get things done and you work hard to be where you are or are working hard to get to where you want to be. Because you have failed and risen a thousand times. The winning side is not for everyone it’s not for the weak or faint hearted because no one sees what’s beneath the success, not everyone will see the pain, or the sacrifice or the persistence or the patience or the hard work or the determination or the diligence, but you will be a warrior, a Victor, you will be the king or the Queen by merit and that is the kind of monarchy that stands the test of time and credibility.

 

Self love 😍

“If can’t create time to love yourself, you have no business committing to love anyone else.”

For some time now I have been writing about loving your body which I repeat for emphasis is the most important thing anyone could choose to do for themselves, however there is something greater still, self love.

Contrary to what one might think, self love is having a desire to do things that are good for you and generally being kind and loving towards one self and not narcissism; therefore this piece is not to make the narcissists of the world feel better about themselves or justify their behaviour. Great, now that that’s out of the way, we can get on with it.

I’ll have to admit that when I first had the idea to write about self love I didn’t really know exactly what I wanted to say about it, but hopefully as I go on, it will come to me. It feels like as I/we grow up it becomes very easy to lose sight of what’s important and any normal person would be wondering what that is. The most important thing to you should be you. Or at least it’s supposed to be. As we grow up, more and more things happen and more and more things are added to our plate of responsibility and while that is very important and necessary, one need not lose sight of the most important thing. I know that just thinking about it at a glance one would have the tendency to tell themselves that it’s just like, you know that’s just the way life is, things happen you know. But I would urge that’s poppycock and that the person obviously needs to read my piece on fate Vs reality.

Self love has a number of parts I suppose. Self love involves loving yourself as you are now, it also involves giving your body what it needs. That means exercise at least three times a week and healthy food. Self love also involves you finding balance. We are made of three parts. Mind, body and spirit. You have to ensure that you nurture all three. You need to stimulate your mind. That could be done in so many different ways, find one that works for you, that is fun for you. For your body, remember that you are what you eat. Therefore eat mindfully and exercise, at least thirty minutes of cardio three times a week. That is needed to keep you healthy and lastly your soul/spirit. That could mean any number of things to any number of people so I really won’t get into it. The bottom line is that for all of us reaching to look inside of ourselves can only be achieved when we attempt to silent our thoughts and meditate. Yes I said it again, meditation. It is needed. We all need to do it. There is no prescribed amount of time. Meditate for as long as you like for your spiritual well being. I was listening to Pastor T. D. Jakes the other day and he said that in this day and age we have this habit of looking for things to fill our day, so we add things to our schedule until it is full, until the only free time we have is for a break to eat and use the lavatory but other than that we are just on the go and I too am guilty of this. Mostly because sometimes the thought of being left alone with my thoughts is the scariest thing anyone could ask of me, but it is needed. It is only when we are alone that we can connect with God, that we can be still enough to listen and hear his voice.

So a quick recap. Self love has nothing to do with being narcissistic, it’s about loving one self and choosing things that are for one’s well being. We all have three parts and all three parts have to be fed, nurtured for us as a whole to be well which is the whole point of self love. And lastly you are and should be the most important thing to yourself. If you can’t create time to love yourself, you have no business committing to love anyone else.