“God give me grace”, I whispered in the middle of my sobbing.
I have a story time time for you today. Honestly listening to Adele’s songs can really take one to a dark place, but an honest place all the same. So there I was listening to Adele minding my own business and what happens? It occurs to me that the farther apart my ex and I are the more I Love him. No No not the romantic kind of love. Had it been the romantic kind I wouldn’t be able to write this. I’m a long way from that place where I still want him and all that RomCom nonsense. But I wont lie, it was hard. I loved him and it was real but he fucked it all up and that’s okay because it happens. people break up all the time, we weren’t special and a monument wont be put up in honour of our parting ways.
Anyway I digress. So here I am listening to Adele and suddenly it occurred to me that after the break up it took me a minute to process because I still loved him and it hurt. It didn’t matter that I had already cried about it or that I had already had the difficult conversations with myself. I just couldn’t process it all and in that moment of sadness and pain, I decided to pray. I needed help. Not from a girlfriend or from my mom, I needed calm inside, I needed to be able to close my eyes and not see his face, I needed to able to sleep. I needed God and so I prayed and after some time, I was finally able to sleep. Somehow the healing process just was under way I wasn’t thinking about it, I wasn’t thinking about him incessantly [I was no longer being consumed by thoughts him] and somehow I healed. Without even knowing it, I just woke up one day and it didn’t hurt any more.
All this to say that God gave me grace, he gave me the grace that I needed to deal with all of this, first things first let’s define this word, that way everyone understands what I’m talking about.
Grace: (in Christian belief) the free and unmerited favour of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.
I suppose to some it’s not worth dancing around the fire for but on realising it I simply had to share. Sometimes it helps to know that someone else has been where you’ve been. Sometimes it helps to know someone else’s pain to feel better about yours and sometimes it just helps to know someones pain because it makes them more human in your eyes, it helps you know them better, it helps you begin the process of understanding them.
This meant something to me, meant a lot actually. Anything that helps me grow is worth something. I hope you get something from this, hopefully, GRACE 🙂