Don’t just fake it…

“Don’t just fake it till you make it, fake it till you become it.”

I have been feeling super lazy of late, I don’t feel like doing much of anything. Then I remembered something. I was watching a video on YouTube the other day on how to run in heels (lol don’t judge me) and the lady said that it’s not enough to fake it till you make it, you have to fake it till you become it.

Why I’m I talking about all this!? I’m glad you asked that. Well 1. Because I have to talk about it. 2. Because I’m not the only one who goes through days when I don’t want to do much of anything, sure we might be special in our own way but we are not unique and we don’t suffer unique problems. And that’s why I write. Because what would be the point of sharing solutions to problems only I have!? What good would that do anyone else!?

I wasn’t going to blog today then I remembered that quote and I simply had to. After all, it is the little lessons in life that propel us forward and make us better. So in that moment of mediocrity I said to myself that one day, I’ll have a system in place and all the people who follow my blog will know that every Tuesday and every Friday morning they can log in here and find a new piece on this or that, but if I don’t start today when will I ever be that person!? Because a culture takes time to build, it takes effort, it takes pushing yourself to actually get there. So I have to push myself today. I have to write even though I don’t necessarily feel like it and you know why!? Because I have the content therefore if I choose not to write I am being lazy and the thought of that could give me nightmares forever and I love my good-nights-sleep too much for that. And besides I find that lazy is the ugliest English adjective. So if I don’t want it to apply to me I have to write and I have to exercise and I have to eat right and I have to drink 2l of water even when I don’t want to. For the sake of the dreams I have for myself.

You have to do it too.This isn’t just for me, I’m not writing this just for myself. I aim to be better by pushing myself daily therefore and my readers you have to be better too :). That way we grow and be better as a family. Okay the lecturer just walked into class so I have to go. Just remember that there are things we have to do, even when we don’t want to. Why!? Because we are being better. Alright my loves a bient√īt!

Power of positive thinking

It was a miracle.

I missed the school bus todayūüėĒ. That’s how my day started and I had gone so far as to take a cab just to make sure that I wouldn’t miss the school bus today but despite all my efforts guess what!? I still missed the bus. So I told the cab driver to take me to the bus stop because the alternative was to take the 11:30 bus and that would make me an hour late to class. Today, that simply wasn’t an option for me, I’m trying to be better you see.

I want to be the kind of person who is always early to meetings and doesn’t miss classes Someone dependable, Reliable. So I went to the bus stop pouting of course. I was sad, but that just makes me human. I was mad that I had spent 200/- more than I ought to have spent had I simply used public transport, and I still missed the bus.

But as I was walking to the bus feeling people staring at me as if they know the kind of morning I’ve just had, I began to tell myself to think¬†happy thoughts. Of course nothing came at the time but I went on saying it anyway. Over and over and over again. I got into the bus and sat all the way in the back because that was the last still available before the bus could leave and you see already that in itself was a silver lining because not having to wait at the stop for the bus¬†to fill up meant that chances of me being super late are reduced significantly.¬†So I took my seat in the bus and off we went.

At¬†the back of my mind I told myself that despite how the day had started, I could still have a good day. Truth be told I didn’t believe a word of it. In fact I felt like a moron the whole time i was doing it, like a phoney for lying to myself. Besides we all know that once your day starts off wrong… It’s downhill hence forth so me telling myself that I could still have a good day seemed ridiculous. But all that didn’t stop the positive side of me, it kept going and before I knew it I was off the bus and didn’t think to¬†fuss over time. I just got on a motorbike that dropped me off at the school gate and I walked to class. It was after I was settled¬†in class that it occurred to me to check the time. I was right on time. I wasn’t late, despite everything I got there before the lecturer arrived. It was a miracle. My Thursday miracle.

After that my day only got better. I got to see my best friend. Seeing her on any day is the best part of my day. We took some pictures. It was so nice. After that I attended my second class then later on my way home I sat next to the most amazing girl. She was so warm and friendly. I made her laugh despite my painfully dry jokes. It was so nice.

All this is just proof that I¬†am not who I¬†was. I¬†am growing, in the best sense. I¬†am morphing into someone positive, someone I¬†like. Someone I am so proud of. If nothing else, from this take the positivity. I¬†couldn’t have made this up even if I¬†tried. This is what positivity created for me. The perfect way to end my school life. Until the next time… a bientot!

 

Crossing over

Do you know what I hate about new year’s resolutions!? That it’s like people are trying to renew themselves. I don’t know if that makes any sense at all. It sounds to me like people work very hard not to be themselves anymore. And that’s about the only problem I have with new year’s resolutions.

The last few years my resolutions have been exactly the same. This year I’ll lose weight. The year after that… This year I’ll lose weight. Each year exactly the same. It’s like my year only matters if I weigh a certain amount. But you know what… This year losing weight can suck a dick. I’m not saying I won’t take care of myself infact I’ll try get in 30 minutes of cardio 5 days a week and eat as clean as I possibly can but not to shed off some weight. I’ll do that because I love my body and I want to treat it the way it deserves to be treated.

This year I have something different in mind. This year I’m going to learn how to skate on roller skates and roller blades. I am also going to learn how to ice skate and I’ll go for paintball at least quarterly. I’ll make some new friends, I’ll spend more time with the baby‚̧, I’ll meditate 20 minutes everyday. I’ll read a new book every month and I’ll check up on my family more. Now those are new year’s resolutions that matter. Resolutions that will make a real difference. And not the Cain kind, the kind that will go on to make a difference a year from now, five years from now.

Crossing over Into a new year should mean that we are aiming to be better but not just externally, internally too because how we are on the inside determines how well we are on the outside, if you don’t agree… Take a minute to think about it.

So this year as we cross over… Let’s love ourselves and make better choices… That’s the only way to make this year truly different. Until the next time… A bient√īt!

 

 

 

Being more productive

“Do you consider yourself productive?”

Question: Do you consider yourself productive?

The whole of December all I did was sleep in the wee hours of the morning, wake up late and put on weight. All the while looking for videos on YouTube and articles online on how to be more productive. Thing I notice is there are so many gurus on the matter one would wonder how there is still a single human being left who is unproductive, well apart from me of course.

They all said relatively the same thing. After some time it was like watching the same play, same script different cast. All this while I¬†wasn’t doing anything. School was on break so I¬†wasn’t attending school, I¬†wasn’t exercising, I¬†wasn’t eating right. I¬†wasn’t blogging either. All I¬†did was watch these videos and read articles but for what? I¬†didn’t achieve a damn thing. It was just me being an information sponge. Then one day out of no where really, I¬†woke up, showered and that evening I¬†exercised. The following day I¬†woke up early, showered and decided my blog title is a little controversial so I¬†should come up with a new blog title, something more suited for the broad and diverse audience that I¬†have, and I¬†did.

Simply put, “the key to being productive is to get it over and done with”. That is the big secret I¬†realised. I¬†could watch a thousand videos on how to be more this and more that and more the other thing, I¬†could read a thousand million articles on how to have a productive day and how to be an early riser but the truth is that, if you want to be productive, truly productive, write a list of things you want to do and then… get them done. Anti-climactic but guess what, PRODUCTIVE.

Truthfully the problem isn’t even jut productivity, its the parasite feelings that come with being unproductive. Doesn’t it all feel like we are drowning after some time? Drowning in laziness, shame, unaccomplished dreams, Procrastination, mediocrity and no one likes mediocre. I have found that lot of times when I¬†don’t want to do something I¬†find a way to postpone it. I¬†will give you an example, when¬†its time¬†to exercise is when my body decides that it’s time to pee or I¬†need water or I¬†have something pressing that I¬†need to research online, but you see this is just stalling. When that happens since now I¬†know what happens, I¬†eliminate everything that derails me and instead write a quick list while I’m changing into my workout gear. That way I stay on track and because that’s also the time I¬†remember I¬†have a million other things to do, I¬†jot them down that way I get to do them but only after the most important thing has already been done.

If you want to be more productive, its simple. Write down a list of things to do,then do them. That’s all it takes. Really?¬†Yes, really!

 

SUMMARY

  • Write a list then get it done
  • Do first things first
  • Get enough sleep
  • Always remember “early to bed early to rise makes a lady smart pretty and bright”

 

Time out.

This isn’t something new that I am going to talk about but I have to talk about it now looking at it from a fresh perspective. I wrote about this on my old blog “Fabgalaxy.wordpress.com” about how we all need to detox after we’ve been in a relationship. I don’t even seem to recall what I wrote about it then but that’s in the past and here is where we are now.

Well this is something I am trying to do. And I have to admit it is very hard for me. Very hard. I am so used to being in a relationship. That is where my comfort zone is. For me being in a relationship feels like my feet are on the ground and my back is leaning on to something. In a word STABLE. It makes me feel safe, secure. Like I’m not at risk of falling into a state of chaos. Just flailing about uncontrollably. I’m not just going to topple over at any time. That’s where I’m most comfortable, but I have been talking to myself a lot lately. Not in a crazy schizophrenic kind of talking to myself, just journalling a lot on the subject and i have come to a conclusion.

I have decided to spend some more time with myself. Which I am of course not accustomed to. I’m used to having someone doting over me, I live for it, I crave it. And it feels like I don’t know how to survive without it, I don’t know how to function without being someone’s girlfriend. I don’t know how to be by myself. You know there is a word for that. There is a word for a state of needing something that much. For being dependent on something to be okay, to be in a state of normal. Otherwise I am flailing about. Perhaps not in a literal sense but certainly in a mental… Emotional sense. I believe the word for that is addiction.

Truthfully I love myself, I love myself too much to be in a compromising state for longer than is needed. But how do I go about this I asked myself. I have been asking this question in a loop, when I wake up, think about it before I go to bed… How does one go about breaking such an addiction!? Especially given the fact that I don’t know how to use the reduce it gradually method. When I want to break a bad habit I do it cold turkey none of that twelve steps crap. So here I am thinking of how to fix this.

Just when I had stopped asking the question and i was exhausted at coming up short of answers and hitting a dead end each time, it occured to me one night while I was taking a shower… Write a list.

How so very anticlimactic I’m I right!? I know but that was it. I read this on a sticker once, “the simple answer is usually the correct one”. So I decided to write a list, one which will not be shared on this platform because this is of course a very private and personal thing for each individual.

Write down a list of things about yourself that you know needs fixing because it has for any number of times led to the breaking up of a relationship. Write down a list of areas in your life you would like to grow, areas you would like to improve, things you want to do before your next relationship, the challenges you expect to face now that you are single and it’s a new concept for you and ways to combat those challenges. And finally write down a time line. You won’t be single forever will you!? A time line and of course possible outcomes, things you hope to have achieved in that window of time.

This provides structure. Especially if you are similar to me. This makes you realise that all is not for naught, that you aren’t just killing time. It reminds you that there is a point to everything you are doing but best of all… It allows you to learn yourself and that’s the best things any of us could do with our time.

Wouldn’t you agree!?

…Bad habits

See, easy as pie.ūüėČ

Let’s call them bad habits.
Today we won’t be talking about Binge drinking or how you have a masturbating problem. We shall talk about something more troublesome, more plaguing.

Let’s talk about exes who doesn’t have them? ¬†And if you don’t, well… Give it time. These are people you’ve dated in the past but for this or that reason, things just didn’t work out. These are people who for most of us I believe were your friend first, at one point they were your favourite person, at one point they were the one person who would make your day. Yes I recognise that look on your face. I believe it’s called nostalgia.

But today is not the day we saint them or kick ourselves for having botched everything because truth is not all break ups aren’t the other person’s fault. Sometimes we are the ones who couldn’t keep the peace and that’s fine, we won’t be talking about that either. Not today anyway. There are those exes, the ones who in your opinion you would consider to be one of the best. They were cool the entire time all the way till the break up and even after especially considering that you truly almost had it all with them… Well they are the ones we need to talk about.

I call them bad habits for one main reason. That bad habits are hard to break. You know at the back of your mind you go over how things went down in the end and you think, “Mark or Vanessa was so cool about the break up maybe he/she and I can still be friends you know, hang out…”. Because of how things ended it feels like it would be okay to try and still be friends you know hang out and stuff like you used to only without the sex, I’m I right!?

Well if you agreed you my friend are dumb as soup. Truth is it can’t work out and I know some smart ass would be like, “what about when it does work out!?” And I will be honest with them, instead of slapping them for being painfully stupid I will try and explain it to them gently. What you think you know is from movies but in reality these things aren’t meant to happen and I will explain when they can infact happen. But as long as you are both single, don’t. If you like yourself let alone love yourself just don’t. The easiest way to get over missing your friend is to remember everything about them that was wrong. The easiest way is to remind yourself why you two aren’t dating anymore. In fact it’s just easier if you find a way to hate them. It will hurt just a tiny bit or maybe a whole lot. What the hell do I know about your pain!? But the silver lining is that it does get better and that’s all that matters.

You will get over him/her. You’ll miss them for some time, maybe a little or maybe a lot but fact is that one day you’ll wake up and you won’t miss them any more and guess what, your bad habit will be broken.

See… Easy as pie.

 

 

P.S.

For the record though, you can be friends but only after you are both married. That way… That ship has long sailed. There will be no turning back at that point, there will be no take backs or what ifs. Only at that point can that friendship be successful.

 

Power of choice

I had a date today with my mom and my baby sister. By the way not to brag but she calls me “sistermommy” it’s the cutest thing in the world. And somehow I found myself thinking about death, yeah don’t ask I’ll talk it over with my shrink. Anyway there I was with my tiny little family and honestly I was so grateful. I totally managed to forget that that same afternoon I was so mad at my mom. She had done something totally shady and for a while there I was livid I couldn’t believe that she would do that to me.

But let’s look at it in a different light if I knew that that same night was my last and what the hell do I know!? What do any of us know it might as well be. I would be dead and it would all be over. I wouldn’t exist any more to be mad at my mom’s petty nonsense I wouldn’t be around to play with my sister, or to be called sistermommy and it would all be over.

We spend so much of our lives walking around pouting and looking for excuses to be mad but a better way to live our lives is to choose to be able board, choose to be happy in a place where over 70% of the world population is unhappy. You can create your own reality that way when your time is up, you know you had the best of it. You can look back and be proud of yourself. It’s hard but that’s why I said you have to choose it. Happiness just like sadness, bitterness, all that negative stuff it’s a choice. Today I can go to bed proud of myself because I know that I chose right. I’d recommend you do the same.

Here’s how you start… Happy thoughts.ūüėä

Having a better day

“You can start from there”

I have two questions for you.

  1. have you ever had a bad day, one of those days that make you think, damn it that son of a bitch [Satan] does exist?
  2. do you know this song?

*count your blessings name them one by one,count your blessings see what God has done…*

I’m sure a great many of you know this song and if you don’t then I¬†suggest you get your hands on a golden bells hymn book. Well some of you might be wondering what question number one and question number two have to do with the other. Well both those questions aren’t unique, I¬†mean we might not ask them in the same fashion but we do ask them from time to time. Some days are so bad we find ourselves even questioning the very existence of God, you know, if God exists, why would he allow for such and such a thing to happen, well hopefully by the end of this article, you will be able to deal with bad days better, maybe even find a silver lining out of that big grey cloud.

Lets go back to the song. One thing I¬†absolutely love about it is how deliberate it¬†is. It calls our greed to question, our human nature, our sense of entitlement and lack of gratitude and asks that perhaps for one second, we should try and think about the good that’s happening. Now I¬†am going to be real there are days when I¬†feel like jumping off the balcony but those days are the ones I¬†draw strength from because i make the choice NOT to jump. You have to be stronger than your weakness otherwise you are just weak. Rising above it all is saying thank you for the one thing that didn’t go wrong.

In conclusion, to have a good day is rather simple, find some solitude and go over the things that went right. I¬†know it’s hard but that’s how we grow stronger and for those days that you feel like you can’t do it, here i’ll help you start the list.

My gratitude list

  • I¬†am alive today.

You can start from there.

Home…

… is where the heart is.

Hello friends and family welcome to my new home therefore OUR new home. I¬†really tried to change fabgalaxy from well fabgalaxy to Obdurate because I¬†didn’t want to lose ¬†all that content on my former blog but I¬†failed. And after moping around the house for a little while I¬†decided to jut start a new blog because what else can one do? I have to keep moving forward.

So WordPress suggested I use this opportunity to perhaps tell you all why I have decided to start this blog and that explanation up there can be explanation #1. The second reason is because the title to my former blog was a bit restricting, a bit bias and I wanted something that was more welcoming to a broader audience because we are all here to learn and experience from each other and I want as many people to be as part of this as possible.

A¬†very wise blogger advised me to write about what I¬†know. The only problem with that is it brought to light the fact that i don’t know very much. But I¬†do know a few things, a few things that hopefully will add to anyone brave enough to read this blog, given no one reads anything any more.I hope you stay and be part of the family.