COMMUNITY SERVICE

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Today I had my first day of community service before I go on though, I am aware that in some countries doing community service is some sort of punishment for a misdemeanor or something, but this is not the case for me. It’s part of my university program. Before graduating ever undergraduate student has to complete 90 hours of community service in 10 weeks or about 3 months, its divided so that each student has to complete a minimum of 3 hours, 3 times a week for the 10 weeks, a lot of students pout about this arrangement because they would rather be done with it in like 3 weeks but I was made to understand that it’s about continuous contact with the place of service, that’s what it about.

My community service is at a place whose name I can not disclose at this time, but it is a rescue home for babies. Yes, actual infants age zero to about two and a half or three thereabout but no older than three. My first impression was, “wow this compound is clean, for a compound that has kids and stuff”, turns out its one of the places that gets the most volunteers so of course there are plenty of hands to keep the place clean. Anyway, I hanged some laundry, sang some songs, fed some munchkins, and basically tried to memorize the names of the kids so when I interacted with them it felt personal.

It was in a word, amazing. I have never felt so good doing something that had absolutely nothing to do with me. Being there and giving of my time felt so fulfilling. It felt like I was doing something honorable for the first time in a long time. It felt like my soul was getting something from all this, I don’t know what to call it exactly only that I need more of it. I so look forward to going back this Thursday. It was magical, playing with the children and bonding under the warm sun and partial shade. It’s funny, you don’t know h=just how observant you are until you are in a space like that and then you find that all your senses are working, taking in information from all around you, you notice a child falling off their toy car while you are playing with another child because you are completely alert despite looking like all your attention is in one place, and being in the place where so many would freely give of their time in service of something that has nothing to do with them is a challenging thing, it challenges me as a person. I’m glad it does because this is where real growth comes from. I have 87 more hours to go. I am so very very excited about all this. And I am so grateful that I can serve and in such an amazing place no less. I’m truly blessed. When you get a chance, visit a home, volunteer, give of your time, you won’t regret it, I promise!

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HOW TO SURVIVE A DIFFICULT SEMESTER

As I have said at least a thousand times these last few months is that last semester was by far the most difficult one I have encountered thus far. It had all the makings of what I consider a difficult semester. I had courses that were both time consuming and difficult and some that were just plain difficult. Either way, I was stretched and pulled and forced to grow in almost every aspect of the word. I don’t recall ever having pulled so many all-nighters in one semester. All in all, I got through it in one piece all thanks to god and to the tips ill share below.

  1. Schedule everything!!!

First things first, schedule. Listen friends, make those scheduling apps your friend. Use google calendar or a school planner or whatever application of your choice but use it. That’s the moral of all this. Schedule everything from your classes and when you have to attend them to your assignments also write the specifications of each assignment to help be your checklist when you are revising them before submission.

  1. Do assignments ahead of time

As much as you can do your assignments ahead of time it will give you time to hand them in to your instructor and they may advise you on changes you can make to earn you a better score, those are the small things that can encourage you and make the semester seem less challenging and if not then at least make sure you don’t get depressed from all the work and stuff.

  1. Time management

Speaking as someone who has a long-term relationship with series and movies, I have t insist that time management is absolutely key. Time blocking is a personal favorite of mine. Block out time for things that you really don’t want to do but in doing you know it will give you an easier time in the future. Listen friends, if nothing else love yourself. Love yourself enough to do the things that need to be done to assure you have an easy a time as possible.

  1. Ask for help as needed

When the semester is long and challenging, make sure you have a support system make sure you have someone or someones who you can share your frustrations with and preferably people who are in college as well, so they understand why you feel as you do. Also, ask for help from your fellow classmates, make friends of people who look like they have their affairs in order, ask them for help and hopefully they are willing to lend a hand.

  1. Create a rapport with your lecturers

When all is said and done these are the people who matter the most during your college career. They are the people who make a difference between a pass and a fail so make friends of your lecturers provided they are not assholes.

All in all, try and be kind to yourself throughout the semester, put yourself and your schoolwork first if there is to be any hope of getting through the semester sane and in one piece. It would also help to have likeminded friends and acquaintances that will understand when you miss out on things because you’re at home or in the library studying. And when the semester is done don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done, maybe not as great as you would have liked but you’re sane and in good health and sometimes that’s a win on its own.

 

 

COLLEGE AND DATING FOR A NON-MULTITASKER

This is the story of how I continue to learn to juggle love and school. First, I don’t multitask very well and I’m sure that is clear from the title but just to make it clear this isn’t something that someone told me, this is something that I have observed about myself over time having failed miserably at the task of multitasking.

Where did it all begin? I am so glad you asked. Well, this past year was different for me seeing as I really wasn’t seeing anyone which is a story for another day. So, for the most part, it was just me and school and an occasional session with my peer counselor but that was it. I had little to juggle and things were going great until I realized that my social circle had just one person and they weren’t even friend they existed o help me stay sane and to listen to my problems, that was it so of course attention had to be paid.

Naturally being the millennial that I am I decided to go online on one of the many apps that exist for socializing purposes to find myself a friend and hopefully a life. Little did I know that I would meet the love of my life but that’s also a story for another day. Anyway so all this while I’m used to my time being my own you know, me and my series were tight, my binge watching was on fleek lol and then here comes this other human who actually needs my time and attention, what about my series, what about the binge-watching, fyi this is why I have so few friends, because any friendship is a time commitment and that’s like one of those things I find I don’t have enough  of but I’m changing my thought on this and will be writing a post on it soon.

So now I had school and a new friendship all which needed my time and attention and I was like, whose idea was it to make friends? I should have just gotten a cat like a normal person. This last semester was like none other. It was my first semester as a junior and it was really challenging especially with my time being stretched so thin and the workload being laid on so thick, you are bound to drop a ball every now and then, of course, it was the friendship and now relationship that got dropped from time to time but it’s safe to say that I have gotten the hang of it and I’m still getting the hang of it. I learned so much from juggling and failing.

The first thing I learned was that it’s okay to drop a ball or two because I am only human. I was reminded just how important school is to me, I love school, I always have, and I always will, I love learning and I just love the scholarly environment it makes my inner athlete come out. I was also reminded that I love my new friend and I love our friendship and that it is a friendship that’s extremely important to me. I learned that I need to improve my communication skills because as it were it was just hurting my friend 😦 and yeah, I didn’t like how that felt. I learned that I can in fact somewhat multitask but only when I compartmentalize and create time slots for things. It wasn’t easy, I’m going into another semester and I still don’t know how it’s going to go but I think I’m a little better equipped than I was before, and I guess for now that will have to be enough. Either way, I am excited to forge forward with this new friendship. And I’m grateful for everything I’ve learned and will continue to learn from the juggle that is school and friendship/dating.

MY FALL SEMESTER IN SUMMARY

College student carrying a heavy pile of books.
My semester at a glance.

This last semester has been longer and harder than any other I’ve ever had. I’ve had to work harder than ever before and I’m more worried than ever about my grade. It’s like when you work hard for something but then all indicators show you that all the hard work and no sleep was worth it but no, this semester was a little different than that. But that’s okay cause I pulled through and I think that at the end of the day that’s kind of all that matters or at least all that I choose to focus on.

This last semester pulled me and pushed me and stretched me and basically just forced me to grow. It forced me out of my comfort zone and for that, after all the crying and being depressed, I’m grateful for it… for all of it. I mean don’t get me wrong I was miserable for the most part, I was sleep deprived and slightly depressed and agitated like all semester long but at the end of the day I approve of the results, not the actual grades cause those aren’t out yet but of me, the girl I was at the start of the semester is not the same girl I am now, and anything that causes me to grow, is a good thing in my book. And as a good acquaintance of mine once said, “things that strain you are the things that are good for you, that’s where growth happens” and honestly, I couldn’t agree more.

There was no sleep only work and pressure and in increasing the capacity of work I can sleep, it reduced the number of hours I thought needed to sleep for me to be a functional human and all that craziness later and I’m still here, and more importantly I’m grateful for the experience. It was like an academic Bootcamp. Terrifying but when you pull through you have a new-found respect for yourself, and in the end, that’s all that matters… at least to me 😊.

HOW CONFLICT CAN BE A GOOD THING

So a while back I wrote an article on conflict and resolution and I promised that I would write about how conflict can, in fact, be a good thing. I know that there is prevailing bullshit that happy couples don’t fight but rest assured that even the happiest couples have conflicting opinions once in a while and it is needed, it is necessary, it is healthy. Conflicting means that the two of you have conflicting opinions once in a while and that’s okay, that’s totally okay, it doesn’t mean anything other than in that one instance you guys have different opinions. So in that same breath, I will have to explain why I think conflict can be good for a couple.

  • Conflict inspires growth. How though? I am so glad you asked. When a couple has a fight over pretty much anything, and they are able to solve the dispute amicably then you and your partner have to grow. And what is growth in this instance? Progress, from one point to another and isn’t that the point? To be able to move forward.
  • Conflict also inspires relationship Satisfaction. You are able to fight over the things that make you unhappy and find a way to make them not as annoying or as irritating to you. Fighting or voicing your grievances allows you to let your partner know exactly what you want, exactly what they can do to make you happy or happier, it’s important, see my point?
  • What is a relationship without boundaries? Boundaries are needed they practically deserve their own star on the walk of fame. Boundaries only come through conflict and if you never fight then how will the other person know what they can and can’t do, how will they know where the line is? This is important. It’s very very important.
  • Conflict Reveals motive. You will never be able to tell what a person is really about or after if you never disagree on anything. Conflict reveals motive, because if he or she is about you, then a fight won’t chase them away, they will stay and you guys will work it out but if they are out to waste your time then the fight will be completely unproductive.
  • Conflict inspires Self-disclosure, you find yourself explaining why something pisses you off so much and your partner gets to know you better. Some of the time you find that the thing that pisses you off, pisses you off cause of something so much deeper than you thought and it turns out to be a bonding moment instead of a bashing moment for you and your partner.
  • Conflict inspires self-disclosure which in turn inspires Intimacy. Talking about the real reason behind things, revealing things that are deeper than the surface will bring you and your partner closer together. He will understand you better, or she will understand you better and because you were open and vulnerable with them they feel closer to you which is how people get intimate. This I how people become friends, more of it will make you best friends, now you know how that goes.

Okay, so what have we learned here? Conflict isn’t the red, large horned, long-tailed devil it is made out to be. Conflict is good conflict is necessary. Conflict allows us to grow in our relationships, it allows us to self-disclose, it allows us to set boundaries and it reveals the other person’s motives but above all, it gets us closer together it makes us get intimate, now who doesn’t want that? I know I do!

 

I hope you learned something here today, I hope you hit that like button big time and share this with your friends. Bisou bisou💋💋💋.

 

OLDER GUYS VS MATURE GUYS

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The battle for the ages for some girls, for most girls I would say. This is something I have been battling for quite some time now. For the longest time I have wanted to date and eventually marry an older guy, and when I say older I don’t mean three or four year difference more like seven to ten years difference. For the longest time, it was something I was obsessed over. My Nana and granddad have nine years between them and I love that because my granddad was always ahead, so when it comes to his leadership role in the house it just went without saying, his ideas were more diplomatic and he was always way more reasonable than my Nana. And of course, I wanted that for myself.

What I didn’t know is that just because that’s how it turned out for my Nana doesn’t mean that it’s how it will turn out for me. I have tried to date a bunch of older guys. Some of them were great! Absolutely amazing but it didn’t work out because of various reasons but the other half was an absolute menace. It was like a trip to the Zoo; it was a bunch of miscreants who turned out to be a waste of my time and energy. Although I don’t regret any of them because they were an invaluable lesson for me, I mean was it not for them I wouldn’t be writing this right now.

I decided to write this piece when  I saw a video on YouTube about it, a lady was talking about how much she like older men, and it just got me thinking about the experience I have had with them. Now look if you are dating an older guy and he is just right for you, this is not an attack, all I’m trying to say is that not all guys that are older than you are necessarily more mature than you. As a matter of fact, the guy I dumped on 31st was a very very good example of a boy trapped in a man’s body. That was just sad_ broke my heart, not really… but it did sadden me that some girl will be impressed by him… “Sigh”.

I think that we have the two mixed up and it is time for a distinction. Older guys need to stop walking around with a title they don’t deserve. The title ‘Mature’ must be earned, we don’t just hand them out like sandwiches at a picnic. What is a mature guy? Or maybe it should be what makes a mature guy? Let’s go over a few things real quick; Does he walk out on a disagreement?

He’s not scared to have a real conversation, like what happened between him and his Ex? Does he have any baggage from previous relationships? What is he looking for in his next relationship? What kind of a relationship does he have with his parents? Would he walk out on a girl he got pregnant?… and so on… All I’m saying is that a mature man should be able to stomach a real conversation, relationships aren’t just about small talk and PDA; shit gets real!!!

Can you talk about something other than your favorite food and hobbies? Can you talk about Art or Architecture or Music or Politics? He has to be passionate about something aside from MAN U. Does he call if he is running late? Does he ask you out in person?

Does he look surprised that you have cellulite and stretch marks or love handles or a tummy or scars from accidents or chicken pox; because a guy that has a stupid look on his face at the site of a slight imperfection is just stupid and is a child. He has no business dating a woman. Can he follow simple instructions? Does he know what to bring when he comes to see you at your mom’s house? Or does he come empty-handed looking like a complete moron? Does he always pick up the bill? When you’re going out with a guy for a meal, any guy you should never ever have to reach out for your purse cause [1] You look stupid and [2] It is his job as a man, and if he doesn’t he is a boy and you should not be with him in the first place.

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In conclusion older doesn’t necessarily mean mature, you could have a 14 year, 27 year old in your hands, what the fudge do you do with that? Ask yourself the questions I have listed above, they are few but effective. It’s entirely up to you to come up with more. You must vet these men, don’t end up with a loser by choice, you have the option to have the best or well better than your average 28-year-old teenager.

 

Thanks for dropping by, please like and share❤❤❤.

 

THE OPPOSITE SEX BESTFRIEND

In all honesty, I can’t say that I have an experience with this. But I must say; from the little drama, I have seen I thank God that I haven’t had to deal with this. I only say this because I know that this is a real issue!!!

One of the main reasons why I love my cousins so much is that [1] They are guys so I get a lot of the male perspective on a lot of things and that [2] They are all straight, so they can actually be of help to my blog. Anyway, the reason why I brought this up is because thanks to one of my cousins who I don’t know whether to accredit or not this month we get to talk about this and Fellatio[blow jobs] so stay tuned for that.

He said that there was this girl he liked but he can’t date her because she has a male best friend. At the time I thought he was being narcissistic. But after a while, I got to think about it without him around and I was like well maybe he was onto to something. Mr. I’m so confident feeling insecure about this, there had to be something there. So let’s look at the best friend role with a magnification lens, shall we?

What is the role of a best friend? Well, let’s take a look at me and my best-friend. She is always there for me, she knows my entire family, even the in-laws that have married into it and the babies that have recently joined the family. My family adores her and consider her one of us. She has seen me on my good days and very very bad days, she has taken care of me when I was sick, she complements me even when I have put on a little weight, she has loved me through all my boyfriends, she knows what makes me mad and what makes me happy. But most importantly she always knows what to say. That’s what I love about her the most. Just following this short paragraph sounds like this best-friend and I should get married right?!

You see that’s the thing with best friends, they are people we are in love with each other. Yes, I said it, friends like these we are constantly falling in and out of love with each other and that’s what makes this such a tightrope. How many times have I wished for my BFF to just turn into a guy and we can just elope? I hope the problem is becoming clearer and clearer. But, regardless of all this, I wouldn’t ditch my BFF so that some nigga’s ego can feel good. Fudge him and his ego!!! But you must weigh the situation for yourself. Is this guy worth you creating boundaries between you and your best friend? Is your girl-friend worth you telling your best-friend to take a back seat? I won’t even lie, it is a slippery slope for all involved because if you create boundaries between you and your best-friend things will never be the same again. And please keep in mind that part of what makes you and your BFF so close is that there are no boundaries. All I’m saying is, it really comes down to this best-friend you have, are they worth it?

 

As for me, I love my BFF to death, she is worth my kidney, liver and everything else. I don’t care how often she and I talk. In my prayers, I remember to ask God that in another life one of us is a dude and the other a chic so we get married. She is that amazing and no guy can compete… But you know… It doesn’t hurt to try. 😉